Wives who conceal their sexual past from husbands

[jonny09256]

Hello all, while discussing this privately with someone, I thought it might be a good subject to broach here in the love and sex area. I would think many have experienced this as I have, and I would think most times it's the wife who deceives, since guys usually brag about sex." This statement opens the door to a sensitive and often uncomfortable topic: honesty and transparency in relationships, especially regarding past sexual experiences. It's not uncommon for people to be hesitant about disclosing certain aspects of their past, either out of fear of judgment or because they don't think it will matter in the long run. However, these secrets can often lead to misunderstandings and complications later on, especially when they come to light unexpectedly.


Back in my day, the late '70s and early '80s, it was somewhat customary for couples who became serious to have a disclosure session. The purpose was simple: to avoid having your partner be surprised by revelations about your past relationships, especially when it came to sexual experiences. The idea was that it was better to be open and upfront about these things rather than letting your partner find out later, potentially leading to hurt feelings or mistrust. In those days, couples generally respected this tradition, even if it was awkward or uncomfortable to talk about. It was seen as a way of showing respect and consideration for each other’s feelings.


This happened to me, and I fully disclosed. I admit, back then, I would have had a problem considering marrying someone who had slept with someone I knew. It wasn't necessarily about the act itself, but about the potential for awkwardness and jealousy in a relationship. It was far more likely to become an issue if I found out later, after we were already committed. That being said, I never imagined that a simple disclosure session could lead to surprises further down the road. I thought the past was in the past, and that the future was what mattered most.


However, I found out when we were engaged that my wife had dated someone I knew, someone she had not disclosed during our initial conversation. At the time, it was treated as an oversight because she hadn’t slept with him, and I didn’t think much of it. After all, we all have relationships before we meet our partner, and not everything needs to be shared in minute detail. I accepted her explanation, thinking it was no big deal. It was a small detail, and I trusted her enough to move forward with our engagement.


Later, after marriage, it seemed this wasn’t quite true. During a gathering of friends, pictures from a vacation trip before we started dating were passed around. I saw a picture of her with the guy she had supposedly never slept with, and immediately, my curiosity was piqued. I asked the hostess about the picture and where it was taken. She went on to tell me about a group trip to Boca, mentioning how the trip had been spent in a four-bedroom beach house with four couples. My wife and the guy she never slept with were one of the couples. Suddenly, everything started to fall into place. The secrecy and the small details that had been glossed over earlier began to add up in a way that felt less innocent.


Without going into great detail, that night, I lost a modicum of respect for my bride of less than a year. The fact that she had kept such a significant detail from me felt like a betrayal, not necessarily in the act itself, but in the way it had been concealed. I couldn’t help but feel disappointed, as if the foundation of trust we had built together had been shaken. It was a moment of realization that transparency in a relationship is not just about being honest when it's convenient but about creating an environment where honesty is the default, even when it’s uncomfortable.

[antonio123]

This is such a tough situation, and it brings up a lot of valid points about honesty in relationships. Personally, I think that people sometimes withhold parts of their past because they fear judgment or think that certain things don’t matter in the grand scheme of things. I understand the reasoning behind not wanting to share every detail, but I also believe that being transparent from the beginning can prevent issues later on. When secrets come out unexpectedly, it can feel like a betrayal, even if the act itself is no big deal.

I know that when I was dating my wife, we had a similar “disclosure session.” I made sure to share the important stuff about my past, and while some of it was uncomfortable, I wanted her to know who I was—flaws and all. But I didn’t feel the need to go into every little detail, especially if it was before we even met. That being said, if there were any major secrets I hadn’t disclosed, I would have felt guilty later if they came to light unexpectedly.

In the example here, I can see how the situation could feel like a betrayal, not just because of the past relationship, but because the concealment created a lack of trust. It wasn’t just about her sleeping with someone he knew, it was about the fact that she didn’t disclose something significant. That’s where it gets tricky because while the past is the past, it can feel like there’s no room for secrets when you’re building a life together.

When it comes to my own relationship, I’d want to know if something important had been hidden. I believe that trust should be built on transparency, and even though these things are uncomfortable, it’s better to be honest about them upfront. If a partner feels the need to hide something significant, it might be worth asking why they’re doing that. And once the truth is out, it’s easier to move forward without any lingering doubts.

[amravat123]

I completely agree with the idea that honesty is essential in relationships, but I also think there’s a fine line between being transparent and sharing too much. It’s normal for people to have relationships and experiences before meeting their partner, and while it’s great to be open, not every little detail needs to be disclosed if it doesn’t affect the present relationship. But withholding something significant, especially if it’s someone you both know, can create a lot of unnecessary tension later on.

In the example shared, I can see how the situation would feel like a betrayal. The wife’s omission of that relationship, even if she didn’t sleep with the guy, set the stage for mistrust. It’s one thing to keep details of your past private, but when those details could directly impact your partner’s feelings, I think that’s where you cross the line. The husband found out after the fact, which is probably the worst way for something like that to come to light. At that point, the issue isn’t the relationship itself, but the concealment.

I’ve been in situations where I thought I knew everything about my partner’s past, but when something like this comes up, it makes you question how well you really know them. If my partner had kept something like this from me, I’d feel like there was a lack of trust or openness between us. It’s not about being judgmental but about feeling like you’re being kept in the dark about something that could affect you. At that point, I’d have to ask myself why it was concealed in the first place.

In my opinion, every relationship requires a level of honesty that goes beyond just the “big” details. Small things matter too, and even if they’re awkward or uncomfortable, they should be discussed to avoid misunderstandings. It’s about creating a foundation of trust that can withstand the test of time.

[hanar123]

I think the reason many people hide aspects of their past is because they worry it will change how their partner sees them, or they fear judgment. There’s a fine line between being transparent and oversharing, and I think that’s where a lot of couples get tripped up. Some people feel that if they share everything, it will create unnecessary drama or tension. But what happens when something comes to light later on? That’s when the real damage is done.

In this scenario, the husband’s feeling of betrayal is understandable. It’s not necessarily about the physical relationship his wife had before, but about the lack of disclosure. Being in a relationship requires trust, and once that’s broken—even if it’s by something small—it can feel like a major blow. I’ve always been of the mindset that no matter how uncomfortable it may be, honesty is the key to making sure both partners are on the same page. In the long run, withholding secrets only creates more issues.

I know that when I married my wife, we had a full conversation about our pasts, and it was uncomfortable at times, but I felt that it was necessary. I wanted to make sure there were no surprises later on, and I was surprised by how much we both appreciated the openness. Some things might not be the easiest to talk about, but at least there were no secrets hanging over us.

What really stood out to me in this situation is that even though the wife didn’t sleep with the other guy, her choice to keep that part of her past a secret was what caused the issue. I think a lot of relationships could avoid these types of situations by encouraging more openness and having these conversations early. The past doesn’t define who we are now, but the way we approach honesty and trust does.

[deigo123]

The issue of concealing parts of your sexual past is definitely a sensitive one. I think some people withhold certain details because they fear how their partner will react, or they think that revealing them might make things more complicated than they need to be. But in the long run, I believe that not being honest can hurt the relationship more than any one secret. If there’s a significant event from the past that could potentially impact your relationship or your partner’s feelings, it’s better to disclose it early rather than risk finding out about it later under awkward circumstances.

In the example here, the wife’s omission wasn’t just about the fact that she had dated someone the husband knew; it was about how that fact was concealed and how it changed the dynamics of their relationship. The husband’s feelings of betrayal are valid, as he feels like he was deceived. It’s not just about the past relationship but the idea that the foundation of trust they built was shaken by that concealment.

I’ve been in a situation where something from my past came up unexpectedly, and while I didn’t hide it, the way it was revealed caused some tension. I’ve learned that no matter how difficult it might be, full transparency is better than letting things come up in an unexpected way. It’s tough, but the relationship grows stronger when both people feel like they can trust each other completely.

At the end of the day, it’s important to ask why someone feels the need to hide something. If there’s no room for openness, it’s harder to build a deep, trusting relationship. I think couples should make it a point to have those “disclosure sessions” early on, even if they’re uncomfortable. It may prevent a lot of confusion and hurt feelings down the road.

[piciossa]

it brings up a broader conversation about trust and transparency in relationships. I can understand why some people might choose to hide certain aspects of their sexual past, especially if they’re afraid it might affect their partner’s perception of them. But I also believe that the longer something stays hidden, the more likely it is to cause problems. It’s hard to build a healthy relationship without a solid foundation of trust and honesty, and that includes being upfront about your past.

In the example shared, I can see how the wife’s concealment would feel like a betrayal. Even though she didn’t sleep with the guy, her failure to mention the relationship created unnecessary tension. For me, it’s less about the act itself and more about the fact that it wasn’t shared in the beginning. When you leave out details that could affect your partner, it sets a precedent for dishonesty. It makes me question what else might be hidden or glossed over in the relationship.

I think couples should approach their pasts with transparency, not as a way to confess every little detail, but as a way to ensure there are no surprises down the road. Sure, some things might be uncomfortable to discuss, but it’s better to get them out in the open early on rather than dealing with resentment or mistrust later. Everyone has a past, and as long as it doesn’t affect the present, it shouldn’t be a big deal. But withholding information that could affect your partner’s feelings is a different story.

In my own relationship, we’ve always been open about our pasts, and while it hasn’t been easy at times, it’s made us closer. I think that’s what relationships are about—building trust, even when it means talking about uncomfortable things. In the end, being upfront about everything, no matter how small it may seem, is crucial for long-term happiness and trust.