I dated a bargirl and now I can't let her go. I want to make her life better - is it

[aiden15632]

I didn't intend to date her, I was just too naive to get rid of her and she never wanted to leave my side from the time I met her until I left Thailand six weeks later. I paid her the first time and the next day she sends me a LINE saying she misses me. I tell her I miss her too but I don't have much money. She says it's okay and from then on I never paid for anything except food, transportation and some barfines.



She doesn't seem too corrupted. Doesn't swear, no tattoos, won't go down on me no matter what and only fucks with the lights on because I make her. I went to her run-down apartment (my idea) and saw her bookcase full of manga comic books. She's just a little girl, it broke my heart. I'm not handsome but I take care of myself, I speak a bit of Thai and I'm young enough to be seen with her without raising eyebrows (if not for the fact that she looks younger than her age - and I older). I flirted with her from the get-go and it really seems like she fell for me.



The days leading up to my departure she was crying so much. I know I can't bring her to me and I'm not even sure I would go see her when I come back to Thailand. A part of me wants to be with her forever but I know a relationship is not a good idea and the more I drag it out the bigger the toll in the end.



My friends told me to watch out. Better tell her my departure is two weeks later than it really is and then sneak out in the night. But after spending so much time with her and seeing what her life is like I can't make myself do anything that would hurt her.



I've decided that I would do what I can to help her. I won't sponsor her - someone else did that before and she just ended up back in the bar when he left the picture. I know you can only really help someone else to help themselves. If I reach out to her and she doesn't respond, then I've done what I could and maybe I can grieve for that and move on.



The ideas I've got so far, feel free to laugh because maybe I'm being ridiculous..



I've started to teach her English. We talk every day and right now I'm teaching her past and future tense and contractions. She recognizes the importance of knowing English for getting into another line of work.


I've been educating her about STD's. I want her to make it out of the life without any horrible baggage like HIV.


I'm planning to talk to her about fiscal responsibility. Right now I'm not sure she's saving money that will help her get an education.


I would send her money for educational material or possibly pay for classes but it hasn't come to that yet. She loves books and I already took her to Kinokuniya and told her she could have anything. She's reluctant to accept gifts though and never asks for anything.
That's where I'm at right now. Not been home for a week yet and it's tearing at me. I don't know what the prognosis is, maybe someone's been where I'm at and can hint at how it's going to end. If anyone else is thinking about getting involved with a bargirl make sure you know what you're getting yourself into. I know next time I'm going to keep it short and sweet.

[daniel74]

@Diabolic, very well explained and I can agree 200 % on it.



@Unmedicated, Although you agree what Diabolic is saying but a part of you won't agree and will still tell you that she is different and really care for you. Guess what, she work in bar everyday and meet new people everyday and probably going with men everyday. She has seen more variety of western men than you have seen of Asian women. She may like you as she did not took money after day 1 or that could be her game plan to impress you which may lead you sponsoring her, hard to tell.



But if you are not ready for relationship then stop thinking on how you can make her life better and be clear with her that you may see her if you come Thailand again. You may sponsor her classes but she can do it herself if she really want to study as if she is young and pretty then should be making good money.



So either get in a 100% relationship and take her back with you or stop worrying about her all together. It may sound rude of me but it is what I see best.



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[hilululu]

As someone who just went through a similar situation I will tell you there is nothing rude in what has been written. They are just not coddling which is probably for the best. Get out while you can unless you are 100% ready to commit and marry this girl.



I have been back just over two months from my last trip, best fucking trip ever to Thailand, and kept in contact with my favorite girl. We talked everyday when I woke and when she came home from the bar for hours. However, last week while planning my next trip she was asking if we would be married when I return. Dear God, we spent just at two weeks together and have only chatted online since I left and she is planning a wedding? Diabolic raped me after my love post and as much as it pains me to admit he was 100% right. I am man enough to accept and admit when I am wrong and I was. Take the sage and sound advice you have received here and end this before you get in to deep.



Beat of luck in whatever you decide.

[johnson13]

Typical knight-in-shiny-armour-meet-the-she-is-different-than-others syndrome that has been hashed over and over again. No doubt history will repeat itself but will we ever learn from the past history.....



Unmedicated, now ball is in your court! You can choose either path because your are already informed and presented with facts and experiences from other BM. The way I see it. You can make this a chronic (heart) or an acute illness (brain).....your call?

[shant234]

We for reasons we may not fully understand you can get an attraction to some people so yes blokes do fall for bargirls and bargirls do fall for customers and sometimes there is the right chemistry on both sides. While many will not admit it most mongers have found a special girl in a bar. I have been mongering since 1998 and there have been a few special girls and I know bargirls have fallen for me.

How long has she worked in the bar business? If it is under a couple of months she might not have been hardened to the business do might not be mentally messed up from the life style. However, after a few months these girls would have seen and done most things and will have a very different outlook on life. Worry more about her mental health than the physical issues.

I do agree with others that unless you have plans for something lasting and serious end things now as you will only hurt her more. If you are serious than can you afford to support her and send her back to her family.