Is Deep & Meaningful Conversation Necessary in a Cross-Cultural Relationship?

[aiden15632]

I've been in a relationship with a lovely Thai lady for almost 12 months. She is warm, caring, and embodies all the wonderful qualities stereotypical of Thai women in relationships—and more! I love her and believe she loves me. However, there's a significant language barrier: I speak English, and she speaks Thai. We manage to get by with a basic, repetitive conversation repertoire, humor, and a lot of patience. Despite this, I can't shake the feeling that we've never had a deep and meaningful conversation, and I don't see that changing anytime soon.
From reading other forums, it seems this is a common scenario in Western-Thai relationships. I recall a post by a Western man who bluntly stated that his level of conversation with his Thai wife was akin to speaking with a child, and when he craved intellectual conversation, he would engage with another Westerner. As much as I dislike admitting it, that sentiment resonated with me.
I am aware that, as a Westerner, I tend to overthink and spend a lot of time reflecting on the past and planning for the future, often ignoring the present. My relationship with my Thai lady has been enlightening in many ways, including teaching me a more straightforward, uncluttered way of thinking. I was previously in a long-term marriage with a Western woman where we had a lot of 'deep and meaningful conversations,' and that didn’t end well.
So, my question to fellow forum members is: Can you maintain a relationship without deep and meaningful conversations?
Points to Consider:

1. Different Forms of Communication:
   • Non-Verbal Cues: In many cultures, including Thai, non-verbal communication plays a significant role. Gestures, facial expressions, and actions often convey feelings and intentions more profoundly than words.
     
   • Shared Activities: Engaging in activities together can build a strong bond. Cooking, traveling, or even enjoying a hobby together can deepen your connection without needing profound conversations.
     
2. Cultural Differences:
   • Cultural Norms: Thai culture often values harmony and may avoid deep, confrontational conversations. Understanding and appreciating these cultural differences can help in bridging the communication gap.
     
   • Language Learning: Making an effort to learn each other’s language can enhance communication. Even a basic understanding can show your commitment and effort to connect on a deeper level.
     
3. Emotional Connection:
   • Emotional Presence: Sometimes, being emotionally present and supportive matters more than verbal communication. Showing care, empathy, and understanding can create a strong emotional bond.
     
   • Shared Values: Common goals and values can create a deep connection, even if conversations remain simple. Aligning on important aspects of life like family, future plans, and lifestyle can strengthen your relationship.
     

[shant234]

There are many kinds of romantic relationships.



Each of us in the West is more or less programmed by society, education and the media to systematically seek an ideal relationship. A relationship that is simultaneously sexually excellent, emotionally satisfying and intellectually fulfilling. And a relationship where money plays no role... It is the modern western ideal of love.



I'm not saying it's bad to look for that (I'm looking for it too!) but it's an ideal.



Most of the love relationships we will have in our life will not fit that ideal. Personally, I had very intellectually interesting relationships with women who did not like sex very much. In any case, not sex with me! The physical connection was not present.



I have had relationships with women that were emotionally and sexually satisfying. But not intellectually.



It happened once in my life that I had a relationship that was fully satisfying with a woman on all levels: physical, emotional and intellectual. But finally she quit me for a man richer than me! So I guess everything was not perfect...





Here is my suggestion: enjoy what is going well with your current girlfriend. Do not ruin everything to satisfy social pressure towards perfection, towards an ideal.



But learn Thai and encourage her to learn English. Make a rule that you will speak Thai one day and the other day you will speak English. You will be the student one day and the teacher the other day. This little game of being the teacher and the student alternately will bring you closer to each other.



And one day you will be able to have deep and satisfying conversations!



Good luck!

[daniel74]

I definitely sometimes slip into a normal ‘meaningful’ conversation whe GF of the moment. Speaking freely and honestly can build a relationship, romantic or not. You can paint a picture and even share real photographs. The game can be about truths as well as lies. There is no way of knowing the truth from someone you have just met, but honesty and more than bar talk can be relaxing and engaging. Not for everyone, and not always for me.

[hilululu]

Even speaking Thai (I do) you're unlikely to have a deep and meaningful conversation with an average Thai person. The only Thai's I've had meaningful conversations with are those who are educated at one of their better universities or overseas. The Thai school education system is so bad that the average school leaver (who normally doesn't complete as much as 12 years of schooling) is completely clueless about most things.

[johnson13]

We must also consider this:



A) Thais, Filipinos, Vietnamese and Cambodians (I do not know about other Asians) are much more reserved than Westerners. They do not like to express their feelings or thoughts. It takes a long time to get really personal conversations with them.



B ) Asians in general are polite, kind and friendly on the surface but they do not really trust foreigners. They only trust members of their own family.



C) Many Westerners are direct in expressing their thoughts. Especially if something is not right for them. In addition, they speak loudly. All this is contrary to Thai culture. When you speak without diplomacy to a Thai, it will irritate him, he will continue to smile, but he will close inside like an oyster.





So yes, we may feel that it is difficult to have "deep and meaninful" conversations with Thais. At least, more difficult than with farangs!



But with an effort to adapt to the Asian mentality, and with a little patience, we can certainly improve our verbal exchanges with them.



And then, we must also have realistic expectations. The majority of us did not come to Thailand to discuss quantum mechanics or Plato's philosophy with bar girls who, for the most part, have never been to university!