01-22-2025, 12:38 AM
I get where you're coming from, and I think a lot of us have been in situations where we feel stuck between wanting something and fearing the consequences. It’s clear that you’ve been through a lot, and your instincts to protect yourself are completely valid. Honestly, though, I think you already know deep down what you need to do. It’s just a matter of deciding when and how.
If I were in your shoes, I’d focus on honesty, but in stages. You don’t have to dump all your feelings and fears on him at once—especially if you’re not sure where he stands yet. Maybe start by letting him know you weren’t expecting to meet someone like him, and you’re still figuring out how you feel about the situation. You don’t owe him your life story, but setting the stage for deeper conversations can help you both ease into things.
That said, be prepared for the possibility that he may not stick around. It sucks, but it’s the reality of relationships—especially when you’re up-front about boundaries that don’t align with what the other person wants. If that happens, it’s not a reflection of your worth or your ability to connect. It just means he wasn’t the right match for your needs, and that’s okay.
Ultimately, relationships are about compromise and understanding, but they should never come at the expense of your well-being. If J can’t accept you for who you are—including your boundaries—then he’s not the right person for you. You’ve already been through so much. You don’t need to settle for anything less than a relationship that feels safe and fulfilling.
If I were in your shoes, I’d focus on honesty, but in stages. You don’t have to dump all your feelings and fears on him at once—especially if you’re not sure where he stands yet. Maybe start by letting him know you weren’t expecting to meet someone like him, and you’re still figuring out how you feel about the situation. You don’t owe him your life story, but setting the stage for deeper conversations can help you both ease into things.
That said, be prepared for the possibility that he may not stick around. It sucks, but it’s the reality of relationships—especially when you’re up-front about boundaries that don’t align with what the other person wants. If that happens, it’s not a reflection of your worth or your ability to connect. It just means he wasn’t the right match for your needs, and that’s okay.
Ultimately, relationships are about compromise and understanding, but they should never come at the expense of your well-being. If J can’t accept you for who you are—including your boundaries—then he’s not the right person for you. You’ve already been through so much. You don’t need to settle for anything less than a relationship that feels safe and fulfilling.