Should I tell him?? Advice PLZ!

[Babatunde]

Okay, so considering that there are a couple of women here on the forum who’ve mentioned having difficulty reaching orgasm during intercourse, I’m hoping you can offer some advice. I’d really like to hear your thoughts on this, especially from the guys, too, because it’s been something that’s been bothering me for a while now.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for three years, and we have sex quite often. But here’s the thing—I’ve been faking my orgasms pretty much from the very beginning of our relationship. It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t make me feel good. It’s just that I’m one of those women who has a hard time achieving orgasm during intercourse. I don’t know if it’s because of the position, the rhythm, or just my body not responding the way it’s supposed to, but it’s been an ongoing issue for me.

The problem is that I get so close to reaching orgasm during sex, but I always hold back. I’ve always been afraid that if I let go and actually experience it, he’ll be able to tell that it’s the real thing, and he’ll know the difference between a fake orgasm and a genuine one. And that fear keeps me from truly letting go.

I’m curious for the guys—do you know when your girlfriend is faking an orgasm? Is it something you can easily tell? And if so, how do you feel about it? I sometimes wonder if he knows, but I’ve never had the courage to ask. It’s a bit of an embarrassing topic, and I’ve just kept pretending for so long that I don’t know how to break the habit.

But here’s where I’m really torn: should I confess to him that I’ve been faking it? A part of me thinks that maybe if I come clean, he’ll realize that I actually need more attention in certain areas or that we need to explore other ways to make it happen. I feel like if I tell him, he might be more focused on trying to help me have a real orgasm. But then, there’s the fear that he might be upset or angry that I’ve been lying to him for so long. I don’t want to hurt his feelings or make him feel like he’s doing something wrong, but I also want to be honest and work through this issue.

I really want to know if anyone else has been in this situation, and how you handled it. Did you ever come clean with your partner about faking orgasms, and if so, what was their reaction? Did it help your relationship, or did it make things more complicated? I’m just really struggling with whether or not to tell him, and I’d love some feedback on what might be the best approach.

Comments, anyone?

[deigo123]

I totally understand where you’re coming from. I think it’s really common for people to feel like they have to fake orgasms at some point, especially when they’re afraid of hurting their partner’s feelings. But honestly, I think the key here is communication. If you’ve been with him for three years, it’s likely he cares about your satisfaction, and you might be surprised by how open he could be about it.

From a guy’s perspective, I can tell you that it can be hard to know for sure if your partner is faking it, especially if they’re doing it well. But sometimes you get a feeling when things don’t quite align or when something feels off. The best thing is to talk about it openly and honestly. It could actually make your relationship stronger in the long run.

I’d say you should definitely tell him, but make sure you’re approaching the conversation from a place of wanting to improve your sex life together, rather than making it about his shortcomings. Frame it in a way that says you’re trying to be vulnerable and honest, and that it’s not about him doing anything wrong—it's just about finding what really works for both of you.

As for the fear of him being upset, I get that. But think about how much better your sex life could be if you address it together. He might even feel relieved to know how to make things better for you. If you’re scared of the conversation, maybe start slow and see how he reacts to smaller discussions about your needs.

[antonio123]

I’ve read a lot about women faking orgasms, and it’s definitely something that many people go through. I’ve never been in a situation where I’ve had to fake it, but I’ve been with partners who struggled with getting there, and it can feel like a huge barrier. I think the best thing you can do is be honest with him. In my experience, if you keep pretending, it can actually hurt the relationship more in the long run.

As a guy, I know that when we’re really into someone, we want to know that they’re enjoying the experience. The thought of them faking an orgasm never really crossed my mind, but looking back, I can see how it could happen. The trick is to approach it with sensitivity—letting him know that it’s not about him not doing a good job, but about you needing more connection in that area.

The best way to bring it up would be to have a casual conversation about your sex life in general. You don’t have to dive straight into the fact that you’ve been faking it; maybe talk about how you’ve been exploring your own desires and what really works for you. Let him know that you trust him enough to be vulnerable and that you want to share more of what really turns you on.

Overall, I think it’s a conversation worth having, even though it’s not easy. It might take time, but being open about your needs is key to any strong relationship, and it can only improve things between the two of you.

[piciossa]

First of all, I want to say that you’re not alone in this. Many women struggle with orgasm during intercourse, and it’s something that isn’t talked about enough. There’s a lot of pressure for women to “perform” during sex, and that can make it feel like you have to fake it just to keep things moving smoothly. But I think you’re doing the right thing by questioning whether or not to open up to your boyfriend.

As a guy, I can say that if I were in his shoes, I would want to know if there’s something I could be doing differently. It might feel a little awkward at first, but it’s actually a great opportunity to deepen your connection. The fact that you’re already so comfortable with him after three years shows that he likely cares deeply about you, and he’ll probably be relieved to know what’s really going on.

When you do talk to him, try to focus on how the two of you can work together to make things better. You don’t have to focus entirely on the fact that you’ve been faking it, but instead on how you want to explore new ways of connecting. Be honest about what you need and how you’re feeling. It’s not about blaming him; it’s about improving the intimacy between you two.

I think that once you start having these conversations, it’ll not only improve your sex life but also bring you closer in other ways. The vulnerability that comes with being honest can make both of you feel more connected.

[amravat123]

I’ve been in a similar situation before, and it’s tough, I won’t lie. It’s easy to feel like you’re failing at something or that you’re disappointing your partner, but in reality, most guys would rather know what’s going on than feel like they’re missing the mark. If he truly cares about you, he will appreciate the honesty.

It’s important to consider how much of it is about you feeling like you’re faking it. Sometimes, our own insecurities can make us second-guess what we’re doing in bed, which affects how much we let go. If you’re feeling this way, he might be picking up on it, even if he doesn’t say it out loud. That’s why I think telling him might actually help. You’re not telling him he’s bad at sex, you’re telling him you need something different to feel truly satisfied.

If you're worried about how to bring it up, maybe start by telling him about some of the things you enjoy and what helps you get closer to orgasm. Ask him how he feels about being more patient or trying different things together. This way, it feels like a partnership rather than an accusation or confrontation.

And don’t stress about hurting his feelings. If he’s someone who truly cares about you, he’ll appreciate that you’re being open. In fact, it might improve your sex life in ways you didn’t expect. It could even make him more confident knowing exactly what works for you.

[hanar123]

I totally get the fear of disappointing your partner or making him feel like he’s not doing something right, but I think it’s important to consider the long-term impact of keeping this to yourself. The thing is, your boyfriend probably has no idea that you’re faking it, and it could be affecting the way you feel about your relationship overall. It’s easy to think that he’ll get upset, but what if he’s actually relieved that you’re being honest and sharing what’s really going on?

As a guy, I’ll tell you—if my partner came to me with this kind of vulnerability, I’d appreciate it. We all want to know that our partner is satisfied, and it’s not about doing things “wrong”—it’s about figuring out what works. It could be that he doesn’t even realize there’s an issue, and the moment you bring it up, you could see a huge improvement in your intimacy.

The key here is that you’re not telling him he’s bad in bed; you’re simply explaining that there are things that need to be explored more for you to fully enjoy yourself. Be patient with him and give him a chance to process the information. It might take time, but being honest with each other will make your relationship stronger.

Also, remember that it’s not just about sex—it’s about building a partnership where both people feel heard and respected. If you’re honest with him, he’ll likely appreciate the trust and the opportunity to grow together.