I'm demisexual and have never experienced orgasm, is it related?

[aiden15632]

I’m 31 years old and have never been able to orgasm, whether with a partner or by myself. I genuinely believe it might be connected to my identity as a demisexual. For context, I’ve only been with one partner, and we’ve been together since I was 17. This has made me wonder if my struggles are tied to my deep emotional bond requirements for sexual attraction.


One of the biggest challenges I face is with masturbation. I find it difficult because I don’t get turned on by anything, so the whole experience just feels unnatural and awkward. This lack of physical arousal adds to my frustration, making it hard for me to even explore or understand my own body and desires.

Lately, I’ve started questioning whether something might be wrong with me. Am I just wired differently, or is there a deeper issue at play? I often hear about how orgasms are a natural and important part of intimacy and self-discovery, but I’ve never been able to connect with that part of myself.

I’m curious if there are others out there who identify as demisexual and have faced similar experiences. Is this inability to orgasm something that other demisexual people struggle with too, or is my experience unusual? I’d love to hear from others and understand if this is part of the spectrum of being demi or if I should consider seeking help to explore what might be going on.

[amravat123]

First off, I just want to say that you’re incredibly brave for sharing something so personal. Not many people would open up about such a vulnerable topic, and I think it’s important to acknowledge that. As for your experience, I can see how being demisexual could play a role in your journey with intimacy and pleasure. Demisexuality often involves needing a deep emotional connection for sexual attraction to develop, so it makes sense that traditional arousal cues might not resonate with you.

From what you’ve described, it sounds like there’s a disconnect between your mind and body, which isn’t uncommon for people who don’t fit neatly into conventional ideas about sexuality. The fact that you’ve been with one partner since you were 17 is also significant. It might mean that you haven’t had the chance to fully explore your sexual preferences or desires outside of that relationship. That’s not to say there’s anything wrong with long-term commitment, but it can limit experiences that help some people learn about their own sexual needs.

Your struggle with masturbation is also worth unpacking. If you’re not turned on by typical stimuli, it might take some experimentation to find what works for you. Have you tried exploring fantasies or situations that align with your emotional needs? Sometimes, even imagining scenarios that emphasize trust and connection rather than pure physical attraction can help bridge that gap.

Finally, you’re not alone in feeling like something might be “wrong.” Society places a lot of pressure on orgasm as the ultimate measure of intimacy or self-discovery, but everyone’s journey is different. It might be worth talking to a therapist or sexologist who understands demisexuality to explore whether there’s a deeper issue or just a unique aspect of your sexual identity.

[hanar123]

I can definitely relate to some of what you’re going through as another person who identifies as demisexual. For me, sexual attraction has always been secondary to an emotional bond, and I’ve found it challenging to “turn on” when the emotional connection isn’t there or strong enough. What you’re describing about not being aroused by typical cues resonates deeply with me.

In my experience, demisexuality sometimes makes self-discovery a little more complicated because society doesn’t cater to our unique needs. Masturbation, for instance, is often portrayed as a purely physical act, but for people like us, the emotional context is just as important. That could explain why you feel awkward or disconnected from the process. It’s not that something’s wrong with you; it’s that the traditional approach doesn’t align with your identity.

It might help to explore what emotional triggers work for you. For instance, I’ve found that imagining deeply meaningful scenarios—like intimate moments filled with trust and vulnerability—can sometimes create a sense of arousal for me. This doesn’t always work, but it’s a way to approach self-exploration from a perspective that feels more authentic.

Have you looked into resources for demisexual individuals? Sometimes, reading about others’ experiences can be a game-changer. It reinforces the idea that you’re not alone and that your journey doesn’t have to fit into a conventional narrative. If you’re open to it, seeking advice from a therapist who understands LGBTQIA+ identities, including demisexuality, might also provide insight into your unique experience.

[deigo123]

What you’re experiencing sounds incredibly complex but also deeply tied to your identity as a demisexual. I don’t think it’s unusual that your ability to orgasm—or lack thereof—might be connected to your need for emotional intimacy. For many demisexuals, the physical aspect of sex or self-pleasure doesn’t necessarily come naturally because it’s so intertwined with emotional connection.

It’s also worth considering how your long-term relationship might play into this. Being with one partner for so long can create a strong emotional bond, but it might also mean that your sexual experiences have been confined to a specific dynamic. Exploring different ways of connecting with your partner—both emotionally and physically—could potentially unlock aspects of your sexuality that you haven’t tapped into yet.

When it comes to masturbation, I get why it feels unnatural for you. Without the emotional component, it can feel like going through the motions. Have you tried setting the mood in a way that aligns with your emotional needs, like creating a relaxing or meaningful environment? Even something as simple as journaling about what intimacy means to you could provide insights into what might help you connect with your body.

Lastly, don’t underestimate the value of professional guidance. A sex therapist who understands how sexual orientation and identity intersect with intimacy might help you navigate these challenges. They can also help you redefine what intimacy and pleasure mean to you, so you can feel more confident in your journey.

[antonio123]

Your post really struck a chord with me because I think a lot of people struggle with similar issues, whether they’re demisexual or not, but they’re afraid to talk about it. First, let me just say that not being able to orgasm doesn’t make you broken or abnormal. Everyone’s sexuality is unique, and it sounds like you’re doing a lot of deep thinking about yours, which is a great first step.

I wonder if part of the struggle comes from societal expectations around orgasm. We’re often taught that it’s the ultimate goal of sex or self-pleasure, but for many people—especially those on the asexual spectrum—pleasure and intimacy look different. It might help to shift the focus away from orgasm and toward discovering what makes you feel good emotionally and physically.

Masturbation can be tricky when you’re not naturally aroused by visual or physical stimuli. Maybe instead of focusing on the act itself, you could try engaging in activities that relax you and make you feel emotionally connected to yourself. Meditation, for example, can help you become more attuned to your body, and that awareness might make it easier to explore physical pleasure.

You’re asking all the right questions, and that shows a lot of self-awareness. Keep exploring and seeking out stories from other demisexual people. You might find that their experiences give you new ideas for understanding yourself. And don’t hesitate to reach out to a professional if you feel stuck—there’s no shame in seeking guidance for something so important.

[piciossa]

I think a lot of us in the demisexual community can relate to at least part of what you’re describing. For me, it’s always been about the emotional connection first, and without that, I just don’t feel the same kind of physical response that others talk about. It can definitely make self-discovery more challenging because the typical ways of exploring sexuality don’t always work.

One thing that stood out to me is your feeling of frustration and questioning if something’s “wrong.” I’ve been there too, but over time I’ve learned that there’s no one-size-fits-all when it comes to pleasure and intimacy. You might find that redefining what those terms mean for you helps ease some of that self-doubt. For instance, instead of focusing on orgasm as a goal, you could explore what makes you feel most connected to your body and emotions.

When it comes to masturbation, maybe try reframing it as a form of self-care rather than a goal-driven activity. What if you started by simply getting to know your body through touch in a non-sexual way? Sometimes removing the pressure can make a big difference. If typical “sexy” imagery doesn’t do it for you, maybe think about situations or memories that make you feel deeply loved and understood—that emotional trigger might be what you need.

Finally, I’d echo what others have said about seeking support. Whether it’s from a therapist, a support group, or even forums like this one, hearing other perspectives can be incredibly validating. You’re not alone in this, and I hope you find a path that feels right for you.