Seeking Advice: Friend Pregnant by an Uncaring Partner

[aiden15632]

Hey There,
I've got a situation where I could use some guidance.
A Thai lady friend of mine, with no romantic or sexual connection to me, has found herself pregnant by a guy from the UK. It's a classic case: the guy tells the girl he loves her and wants to be with her, she believes him, they have sex, and four months later she finds out she's pregnant.
She was on the pill, but apparently, it didn't work. When she contacted the guy, he turned out to be a real jerk about it.
Given that it's too late for an abortion, she's decided to keep the baby. Now, she's considering going to the UK embassy, but I'm not sure what that would achieve. She's also thinking about naming and shaming him or contacting his family to put pressure on him.
What are her options?
Legal and Financial Support:

1. Paternity and Child Support: She should consider establishing paternity legally. Once paternity is established, she can pursue child support. Consulting with a family lawyer in Thailand who specializes in international cases can help guide her through this process.
   
2. UK Legal Action: She might be able to take legal action in the UK for child support. It’s worth consulting a UK-based family lawyer to understand the specifics and viability of this option.
   

Embassy Assistance:

1. UK Embassy: While the embassy might not directly intervene, they can offer advice and may have resources or contacts for legal aid. They might also facilitate communication with UK authorities if necessary.
   

Social and Emotional Support:

1. Support Groups: Joining local or online support groups for single mothers or women in similar situations can provide emotional support and practical advice.
   
2. Counseling: Professional counseling can help her navigate the emotional complexities of this situation and prepare for the challenges ahead.
   

Naming and Shaming:

1. Public Exposure: While naming and shaming might feel satisfying, it could have legal repercussions and might not result in any tangible support. It's important to consider this option carefully and perhaps consult a legal advisor before proceeding.
   

Contacting His Family:

1. Family Pressure: Reaching out to his family might apply some pressure, but it’s uncertain how effective this would be. It's important to approach this delicately and be prepared for various responses.
   

Next Steps:

1. Legal Advice: Consulting with both Thai and UK family law experts is crucial to understand her rights and the best course of action.
   
2. Support Network: Building a strong support network of friends, family, and professionals will be essential for her and her baby’s well-being.
   

Has anyone else encountered a similar situation? Any advice or shared experiences would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks for any help you can offer.



4o

[shant234]

I'm not familiar with the story, but assuming that the guy is indeed the world's biggest asshole, I wonder how could it take her 4 months to realize she was pregnant?



Since she seems to have his contact info, I'm guessing she could indeed try to shame him in any way she can. However, I've never heard about anyone going to the embassy to complain about something like this and while I'm not familiar with international family law, I'd be very surprised if they tried or could legally do anything. I mean, it's unlikely that they're going to send the UK police over to his house do a paternity test, so she should save herself the trouble and possible humiliation.



Only option I could see is threatening to sue him in the UK but that doesn't seem very realistic eithe

[daniel74]

Thanks for your response



She's 19 years old and not in the p4p scene at all, so although she's quite sure he's the father, I've encouraged her to get the paternity test so it's in black and white.



I've posted this topic on the PA forum and it's generated a lot of discussion which is good. Seems like she does have a couple of options available to her.

[hilululu]

Number of unusual things here. You say she is not a P4P girls but she is taking the pill so she is clearly being fucked on a regular basis. Did she start taking the pill because she was seeing him or was she on the pill before they met up? If she was on the pill for some time it would suggest she had been in a number of relationships. I do not know how they met but a lot of dating site girls I am sure would claim they are not working girls they just have boyfriends! Also the pill is very reliable if taken correctly and not realizing for 4 months she is pregnant is again odd. That said I believe abortion is not legal in Thailand so was never an option.



It sounds like this was a one night/few night stand and if she told him she was on the pill he would say he was deceived by her. Personally I would not go bare back with any girl I had just met and if she said she was already on the pill this would some sound alarm bells. While I feel sorry for the girl she is in part to blame for her situation. I do not think she would be wise trying to track the bloke down through via the embassy that would be expensive and if it did get into paternity issues it could turn nasty as he might claim she was a working girl.

[johnson13]

The agency the UK government set up to chase fathers not paying mantenance got shut down if i remember right and the system returned to how it worked before which was through the court system.

Mostly it was set up for girls on benifits in order to save the government money but a mate of mine in the RAF found out he was paying more than his ex was getting by quite a margin.



I have heard that Filipino and Japanese girls have made claims with the US Embassy but knowing the way the British Embassy works even here in Japan i would tell not hold out much hope for help.

Dont mean to sound harsh but lots of Thai girls have kids by their Thai boyfriends and probably only recieve a cuffing for complaining.