Sex Has Left The Marriage

[jonny09256]

Been married three years. We had no problem with sex. We fucked every day we could. Now, in the five months since my wife got a 9-5 job, sex has gone out the window. I work 13-hour shifts, and she will send me texts, tease me, and tell me I can have it, but when I come home, it’s like she didn’t even say it. We could be together all day, and she will say later, "You can have it," but when I try for it, it’s all denial. I need help—it’s turned into me having to finish it myself. Anyone have suggestions?


It sounds like you’re going through a frustrating and confusing time in your marriage, and it’s understandable that this change is affecting you emotionally and physically. A shift in sexual frequency can happen in relationships, especially when external factors like new jobs, stress, or exhaustion come into play. While it can feel personal, it’s often more about circumstances and unspoken feelings rather than a lack of desire or love.


Your wife’s new 9-5 job likely brought significant changes to her daily routine, energy levels, and mental space. Balancing work and personal life can be overwhelming, and this might be impacting her ability to engage intimately, even if she still wants to connect with you. The teasing messages she sends could indicate that the desire is there, but by the time she’s home, fatigue or stress might take over, making it hard for her to follow through.


It might help to have an open and honest conversation with your wife about how this situation is affecting you. Approach the discussion with empathy and curiosity, rather than frustration or blame. Share your feelings and listen to hers as well. She might not fully realize how this change has impacted you, and understanding her perspective can help you both find common ground. It’s also worth exploring whether stress, exhaustion, or other factors are affecting her mood and energy levels.


In the meantime, consider ways to reignite intimacy without pressure. Spend time together doing things you both enjoy, like going on a date, watching a movie, or simply cuddling without expectations. These moments of connection can help rebuild closeness and potentially create a more relaxed environment for intimacy to happen naturally. If she feels supported and understood, it might ease any pressure she’s feeling, making her more open to intimacy.


If these efforts don’t lead to improvement, or if either of you continues to feel stuck, seeking guidance from a couples' counselor or therapist could be beneficial. A professional can help identify any deeper issues and provide tools to improve communication, intimacy, and connection in your relationship. Sometimes, an outside perspective can help clarify misunderstandings and offer solutions you might not have considered.
Lastly, remember that this is a phase, not necessarily a permanent state of your relationship. Challenges like these are common in marriages, especially as life circumstances change. By addressing the issue together with patience, understanding, and a willingness to adapt, you can strengthen your relationship and navigate this rough patch toward a more satisfying connection.

[amravat123]

I feel your frustration. It’s tough when the physical side of the relationship takes such a sudden hit, especially after being so active before. It can make you feel like something’s wrong with you or with the relationship, but honestly, this happens more often than people realize. Life changes like a new job can completely throw off a person’s energy and mental space.

Your wife might still want to connect with you, but if she’s drained from the 9-5 grind, her ability to follow through might just not be there right now. The teasing texts are probably her way of trying to keep that spark alive, even if she’s too tired to act on it. It’s a confusing message for sure, but it might just be her way of saying, “I still want you, but I’m struggling to make it happen right now.”

Have you talked to her about how you’re feeling? Not just about missing the sex, but about how the lack of intimacy is affecting you emotionally? Sometimes, couples fall into a cycle of unmet expectations and frustration without realizing they’re not actually communicating. A calm, honest conversation about what’s going on with both of you could open the door to understanding why things have shifted.

In the meantime, try to focus on non-sexual ways to reconnect. Go out together, do something fun, or even just hang out without any pressure for intimacy. Sometimes, the key is to rebuild emotional closeness first. When she feels that connection, the physical side might naturally follow. Patience is hard in moments like this, but it can make all the difference.

[hanar123]

I totally get how you’re feeling—it’s like you’re being teased with promises that never materialize. That can be so emotionally draining, especially when it feels like you’re putting in the effort and not getting the same energy back. But from what you’ve shared, it doesn’t sound like her lack of follow-through is intentional. Life might just be hitting her harder than expected.

Starting a 9-5 job might be more exhausting for her than you realize, especially if she’s juggling other responsibilities at home. Mental and physical exhaustion can kill the mood, even if the desire is there earlier in the day. It’s not fair to you, but it might help to look at it as her struggling to adjust to this new routine rather than her intentionally withholding intimacy.

One thing that could help is shifting your focus to creating a more relaxed environment for her. Maybe she needs some help unwinding after work before she can even think about intimacy. This could mean spending time together without any sexual pressure—like cooking dinner together, watching a show, or even just giving her a massage. Small acts of care can go a long way in reigniting that spark.

Also, consider asking her directly what she thinks is going on. Be gentle, though—don’t make it about what she’s not doing but about how you both can work together to bring back the connection. Her response might surprise you. Sometimes, people don’t even realize how their actions are affecting their partner until it’s brought up in a safe, non-judgmental way.

[deigo123]

This is a tough situation, man, and it’s easy to feel stuck. When sex disappears from a marriage, it can leave you feeling disconnected and even rejected. But from what you’ve said, it doesn’t sound like she’s lost interest in you entirely. Those texts and teases might be her way of saying she still wants you, even if she’s struggling to follow through.

I think one big factor here could be her energy levels. A new 9-5 job might not seem like a huge change, but it could be draining her more than you realize. Exhaustion, stress, and adjusting to a new routine can make intimacy feel like just another task on the to-do list, no matter how much she loves or desires you. It’s not personal—it’s just how stress can mess with people’s priorities.

What’s worked for me in a similar situation is focusing on creating moments of closeness that aren’t about sex. Take her out on a surprise date, plan something fun, or even just cuddle without expecting anything more. When the pressure is off, sometimes that’s when the intimacy starts to come back naturally.

Also, don’t be afraid to open up about how this is affecting you, but frame it as wanting to reconnect rather than pointing out what she’s not doing. A lot of times, these kinds of issues come down to communication. Once you both understand where the other is coming from, it becomes easier to work together on a solution.

[antonio123]

Man, I’ve been there. When the physical side of a marriage starts to fade, it can feel like the relationship is losing its foundation. The worst part is feeling teased by the texts and promises that never actually lead to anything. It’s confusing and frustrating, but there’s usually more going on beneath the surface than meets the eye.

It sounds like your wife is sending mixed signals because she’s trying to balance her desire for intimacy with her current mental and physical state. Starting a 9-5 job can be a bigger adjustment than it seems, especially if it’s her first structured schedule like that. By the time she’s home, she might be too drained to act on the feelings she had earlier in the day.

I think a good place to start is by shifting the dynamic. Instead of focusing on what’s missing, focus on rebuilding the emotional connection. Do something small but thoughtful, like making her favorite meal or surprising her with something she loves. These little acts of care can help break the cycle of stress and remind her of the closeness you used to share.

At the same time, have an honest, empathetic conversation about how this is affecting you. Make it clear that you’re not blaming her, but that you want to find a way to work through this together. Sometimes, just knowing you’re both on the same team can help reignite the spark.

[piciossa]

I feel for you. It’s tough when intimacy starts to disappear from a relationship, especially when it used to be such a big part of your connection. It sounds like you’re both caught in a cycle where life has taken over, and neither of you knows how to break free from it.

Her teasing texts tell me she still wants to connect with you, but something is stopping her from following through. Stress and exhaustion from her new 9-5 could be a big factor. Even if she’s not saying it, she might be feeling overwhelmed and struggling to balance work, life, and your relationship.

One idea is to create moments where she can relax and decompress without any expectations. Maybe she just needs some time to feel like herself again before she’s ready to engage intimately. Think about how you can show her support, whether it’s through small acts of kindness, planning a fun outing, or even just being there to listen.

Finally, open up a conversation where you both can share how you’re feeling without judgment. Let her know that you miss the connection you used to have and that you’re willing to work together to bring it back. Sometimes, all it takes is a fresh perspective and a little patience to turn things around. You’re both in this together, and that’s what matters most.