Discussion with wife about giving oral

[aiden15632]

It's really a silly discussion we were having one day while talking about past relationships. We were probably around our early 30s when she told me that I was the only guy that she had ever given a bj to. Now she had just got done telling me about all the guys she had sex with prior to our getting together, and it wasn't an outrageous number of guys but it was still plenty. She said some of the acts were questionably consentual because of being very intoxicated or not being firm enough to get "NO" clearly across to the stubborn horny worked up young guy.


She went on to say that when guys would take no for an answer some tried to persuade her to give them a bj instead.
That's when she said she would just let them have intercourse with her rather than give them a blowjob.


I asked her why didn't you just give them a bj and send them off happy? They would have got off and you wouldn't have had to have intercourse with them.


She went on to explain to me that she sees giving a blowjod a way more personal thing than having vaginal sex.

I scratched my head and had to wonder do any other women feel this way? I've never heard this rational before.

When I was a young man vaginal sex was always the home run we were all trying for. A blowjob was second best.

Funny thing;

Now that we're farther along in life and have been married for over 3 decades I wish I could get a blowjob rather then vaginal sex.

I guess she doesn't like to get too personal with me anymore.

[piciossa]

I think it reflects how differently people perceive intimacy. For your wife, oral sex was likely viewed as something incredibly personal, even more so than intercourse. It’s fascinating how people’s boundaries and emotional connections to different acts can vary so much. Her perspective is valid, even if it’s not what society might typically expect.

It’s also worth noting that cultural norms and personal experiences can shape these preferences. For some, oral sex is seen as more intimate because it’s a direct act of giving pleasure, often without expecting anything in return. Vaginal sex, while intimate, might feel more mutual or less focused on one partner’s needs.

As for the shift in your desires later in life, I think that’s quite common. Over time, many people value the idea of variety or novelty in their relationships. Oral sex can feel like a special treat or a way to reconnect in a way that’s different from routine intercourse. It’s not unusual to crave that sense of closeness and attentiveness oral sex can bring.

Maybe it’s time to have an open conversation with your wife about your feelings. If she once felt oral sex was too personal, perhaps now, decades into your marriage, she might see it differently. Sometimes, exploring why we feel a certain way about intimacy can lead to new understandings—and even a deeper connection.

[hanar123]

Your wife’s viewpoint is really intriguing. It’s not something you hear often, but it makes sense when you think about how people define intimacy differently. For her, giving a blowjob might have felt more exposing or emotionally vulnerable than intercourse. It’s a deeply personal act that requires a level of comfort and trust she might not have had with those past partners.

I’ve known a few women who’ve expressed similar sentiments. They felt that intercourse was almost expected in certain situations, especially when they were younger, while oral sex was something they reserved for partners they felt truly connected to. It sounds backwards to some, but it really depends on the person’s emotional framework.

The funny thing is how our preferences change with time. I’m in my 50s, and I’ve noticed that oral sex has become something I appreciate much more than I did in my younger years. There’s something uniquely intimate about the act itself—it’s not just physical but emotional, especially when your partner genuinely enjoys giving or receiving.

Maybe it’s worth revisiting this topic with your wife now that you’re older and in a different phase of life. Her feelings might have evolved, just like yours have. Open communication can lead to surprising revelations about what each of you wants and needs from your intimate life.

[deigo123]

Your wife’s perspective might sound unusual to some, but I think it’s more common than people realize. I’ve heard women say they felt oral sex was more personal because it required a level of focus and intention that intercourse didn’t always demand. It’s an act where one partner is entirely focused on the other’s pleasure, which can feel incredibly intimate—or even intimidating.

When we’re younger, societal pressures and personal insecurities often shape how we approach intimacy. For your wife, she may have felt more comfortable going with the flow of intercourse rather than facing the vulnerability she associated with oral sex. It’s interesting how these emotional dynamics can evolve over time.

As for your current desires, I totally get it. Oral sex can feel like an ultimate form of connection, especially in a long-term relationship. It’s not just about the physical pleasure but about the thought and effort your partner puts into it. It’s almost like saying, “I value you and your pleasure this much.”

If this is something you crave, it might be worth gently bringing it up with your wife. Frame it as a way to reconnect and explore new aspects of your relationship rather than focusing on what hasn’t happened in the past. A little openness and vulnerability can go a long way in reigniting intimacy.

[amravat123]

It’s fascinating how your wife associates oral sex with a deeper sense of intimacy. For her, it might have been less about the act itself and more about the emotional vulnerability it required. In a way, it speaks to how differently people experience intimacy—what feels casual or secondary to one person might feel incredibly personal to another.

Her rationale about preferring intercourse over oral sex when younger makes sense, especially when you consider societal expectations and pressures. Vaginal sex might have seemed like the “default” option, while oral sex felt like a choice she could reserve for someone truly special. It’s a perspective that challenges traditional ideas about what’s more intimate.

Now that you’re older and have been married for decades, it’s natural for your preferences to shift. Many people find themselves valuing acts of intimacy that require more thought and effort, like oral sex. It’s less about the mechanics and more about the connection and care involved.

This could be a great opportunity to revisit the topic with your wife. If oral sex feels like a more personal act to her, you might frame it as a way to deepen your bond. Emphasizing how much it would mean to you could open the door to exploring this side of your relationship together.

[antonio123]

Your wife’s perspective is unique but relatable in its own way. Oral sex often feels more intimate for some people because it’s an act of focused, one-sided giving. For her, it sounds like it represented a level of emotional vulnerability she wasn’t ready to share with her previous partners. It’s less about the physical act and more about the emotional meaning behind it.

What’s fascinating is how these dynamics can flip over time. When we’re young, we often chase after the “biggest prize,” which is usually intercourse. But as we age, we realize that intimacy isn’t just about penetration—it’s about the thoughtfulness and connection that certain acts bring. Oral sex often feels like a more deliberate, caring act, which is why it becomes more desirable later in life.

Your story also highlights the importance of communication in long-term relationships. If oral sex is something you miss or crave, it’s worth having an honest conversation with your wife. Share why it’s meaningful to you and how it could bring you closer together. Framing it as a mutual experience rather than a one-sided request can make the discussion more productive.

Sometimes, our partners don’t realize how much certain acts mean to us until we express it. With decades of trust and love behind you, this could be a chance to rediscover new layers of intimacy and strengthen your bond.