The Dating Game: Navigating Relationships in Thailand and Back Home

[aiden15632]

Do you date?
In Thailand and at Home?
Or do you not bother.

I go to Thailand for the girls like most of us. Mongering bypasses dating so you can have sex immediately without waiting  for that to occur in the way people usually meet.
I find it hard to meet people, make new friends etc. So when I got introduced to this hobby, it was a game changer. That was nearly 2 years ago.

So why do I mention dating here. Well, I was on the bench for over a decade before coming to the LOS. Coming to Thailand and mongering has been a very positive experience. I lost weight. Got in shape. I look fairly normal these days. It's given me the confidence to try dating at Home, though that's easier said than done. Oh and I'm in my early 40's.

For the last two trips in addition to mongering I've dated local Bangkok women. I've had about half a dozen actual dates. Could have had more. The dates were fine. For me it was for the experience and I'll be completely honest - I was learning all over again. I think I did alright. I found that women in their mid 30's was the sweet spot for the best conversations that lead to actual dates.

What worked for me -  I was upfront and as honest as I could be. I realize that I'm always going home so being honest about the situation made things fair. I still had a great time. There were no expectations, for sex, or anything on my part. And yet that could have easily happened had I pursued it. I didn't.

What I used to arrange dates  - I used Thai Friendly to set up my dates. I was going to try Thai Cupid, but had success with Thai Friendly so I limited myself to that.
I tried Tinder in Thailand. It was full of LB's. But the conversations were funny and good spirited none the less. I did meet other tourists using Tinder. I heard Skout isn't bad and that some folk have used KiK and Badoo. I mostly use Line for chats. I actually had people randomly add me to Line while I was holidaying. Comparatively WeChat was good in Vietnam but not useful anywhere else. I haven't used WhatsApp overseas yet.

At Home I'm trying to date. Using apps to just basically get conversations started. At this point I've used them all with no actual dates lined up. So far I've used - Bumble. Happn. Tinder. Skout. Badoo. Zoosk.
I have some decent conversations, but all so far haven't led anywhere.

At Home I'm keeping my expectations limited. Begining with conversations at the moment with an effort to actually go out on some dates. I'm told there are sex apps to meet and fuck. I haven't done that. Swingers clubs and such. I'm not game. Oh and I don't monger here at home.

I feel like an absolute beginner all over again. All of this was easier years ago. I had no issues then. Many GF's.
Right now I'm looking at Meet Up groups more keenly now. I met a group leader at my work and she runs an over 40's club. They teach you how to date. Sounds silly, but I'm all out of options so I think I'll do it. I'm trying out Skout right now. I'm also having some fun with an app called Air Tripp. Using this to meet people overseas and just chat. It's all good practice.

Comparatively and for some reason dating overseas, and my experience is limited to Thailand at this stage,  was easier than dating at Home. That probably sounds strange to some of you, but in my case it's true.
In fact I suppose all of this might sound weird. I monger on my own terms on holiday. But I want to date in an effort to meet someone.  I'm asking myself some relevant questions too, like - What do i want out of this? Expectations etc. For example I don't want to be married. But I would like to be in a relationship of some kind. It doesn't have to be specific.
I know I'm not to find it in red light world. Nor do I look there. I keep the two seperate. In the past 2 years I've been self-deluded and learnt the hard way as every newbie must do. Fell for my share of bar girls and still do. I'm such an idiot. 555. But I know that just mongering is not enough, i want more, i want something real, significant.

Overall the LOS experiences have given me back the confidence to try. So I'm trying.

So if you've read all of this I want to hear your experiences. Do you bother? Is it worth it? Or is mongering enough and why. Please share.

[daniel74]

My experience with dating apps like Tindr is that you cannot take your time if you are trying to make a connection. Try to send a few messages, and quickly set up a date for drinks and get to the banging if you feel like you can make it happen. This is Relationship Game Theory on steroids... I don't use Tindr often, but when I do, I try not to waste my time or theirs. If you are looking for a serious relationship, don't use a dating app. Try OKCupid or Match.



That having been said, I have a couple of FWBs that help with the ocasional bouts of loneliness. One of them prefers women, is almost 10 years younger than me and calls me up whenever she has a new GF and wants to have a 3-some without the drama. The other one is about 5 years older than me, divorced, and has stated that she is not looking for a relationship. With each of them, I go out to dinner once in a while to keep up the friendship, and if the mood strikes, I come over for a pajama party. Having come off a 7+ years LTR and being single for the last 3, the last thing *I* want is to get back into a serious relationship. I really enjoy having time to myself and doing whatever I want without having to answer to or worry about anyone else. This briefly turned into a problem with the divorcee, but I had to set her straight and everything is kosher now.



On the mongering side of things, I don't think this would ever be enough for me. I love that I *potentially* have the option to go with a different girl every day of the year, but the problem is that I am too dumb emotionally, so I end up caring about them as a person. This is where the 3-day rule comes into effect.



Forgot to say, try to expand your circle of emotional support. I'm sure you can find women that are also looking for a FWB. You'd be surprised how open some women can be if you are just honest about what you want. I've met some women before that I was not interested in, because they wanted more, and have introduced them to other friends who were looking for something serious. It saves everyone time and effort. If you do develop a FWB, this will help with those times when you are home and get depressed thinking about how long it is until your next trip to Thailand.

[hilululu]

Just getting dates in Thailand is much easier if you're using the internet exclusively. The language barrier means that the girls know that there isn't *that* much they are going to learn about you through chatting, and most Thai girls are just generally less standoffish than western girls.



I am assuming that you are from the US, but I could be wrong. If you are though, then don't approach internet dating the same as you would a Thai girl. You've got to get a quick, witty, conversation going with them and then escalate to a phone call, and then a date immediately. Girls presume a lot of things, so they will assume your style, motive, voice, etc... just by looking at your pics. So the less barriers that you break down, the better. I used to be so good at internet dating back home, that I was able to get girls I had never met before to drive hours to come meet me. Lol. I had a couple girls I had never met before fly in from other countries, and many from other states (at their expense) just to spend a night or two with me.



But, with that said... Internet dating is the stupidest kind of dating back home. If you want quick dates back home, you have to work on approaching. That is how you fill your phone with numbers and get same day and next day dates. The girls have no room for making assumptions about you and you cut away all their fears. Because they've met you already! You're sure to get rejected some, but it comes with the territory. Go out in the world, and approach hot girls... Start up quirky conversations, make them laugh, build attraction. Sometimes you can get them to go on a date with you then and there, but if not you will almost always get a date in the next couple days if they give you their number. Girls back home respect guys who approach them a lot more than the guys who sit behind screens trying to lure them out.



With that said, I do date, but I guess is a given since I live in Thailand now. I am a very passive dater and not really a hunter anymore. I have a Thaifriendly account, but I only login when I get a message, and only reply if it's a girl I'm interested in. Otherwise, I just approach girls that I see out in the streets, get their LINE, and take them out. My other weapon of choice is Facebook... I love cold messaging hot girls on Facebook and meeting up with them. Since it's not a dating app, the girls seem less sketched out about me.



But other than that, I just approach girls when I'm out and about and try to start up conversations with them. Because I'm a farang who speaks Thai, they are usually receptive. Also, I work on building friendships... I don't really go try to get them to my room and try to have sex with them right away, which they seem to really appreciate. I personally like going out to eat and catching a good movie, and having a cute girl accompany me is fun. Sometimes it leads further and sometimes it doesn't. But networking with the girls and having them realize that I'm a good guy usually leads to me getting introduced to their girlfriends too, and there is usually one in the lot that I connect with.



If I just want a quick fuck, I don't mind paying for it and don't bother dating for that. I'll go to one of the many establishments made for that and get my kicks and leave with no expectations from either end. And of course, there is the odd, occasional newbie bargirl that I'll see who I can't resist crossing the line with and end up dating her too. But that's pretty rare for me.

[johnson13]

Thanks for responding guys. Good advice there and food for thought.The Thailand dates I've had were a great starting point. Thanks for being candid about your successes. I'm grateful for the openness of some of the women I've met in Thailand. My aim remains the same. At home I'm looking to balance my LOS adventures with some dating inbetween visits. If it leads to FWB's or just a few dates I'm okay with that. It doesn't have to be generic or specific.

@Popeye - A FWB's is desired. I will be more honest and upfront about that in future conversations, I'll see how that goes. I agree that overall apps are probably not the best method to meet someone, anyone, but it's something. I'm on dating sites within Australia and similarly not getting anywhere. I understood the advice on the 3 day rule, as I have a habit of relationship forming through any GFE. I now avoid GFE's because of this. A FWB would help in between visits to the LOS, and as I said in my 1st post, I'm not too specific about having a generic relationship, so a FWB, yeah, it would be nice.





@Diabolic - Yes internet dating is stupid, or more correctly I feel stupid while doing it, all the attention seeking augh. Good to know that you were good at it enough to be able to share the differences with me regarding how it works at home and the LOS comparatively. The thing said about sitting behind computer screens trying to lure a chick struck a chord. For me, that's an accurate assessment. I really don't have the confidence right now to walk up to a girl and begin chatting or else I wouldn't be using apps/sites. For the first week after any holiday I have the confidence to approach anyone, but after a week it washes away fast.
I try and get practice at every oppurtunity I can get. Buying groceries or coffee provides the main ones, that and the work environment. It's just to keep practicing - talking with women, having conversations, I'm not coming at anyone with a line or playing an angle, what I'm trying to do is to have a genuine conversation and hopefully they see that. I do that with anyone I meet, I'm more interested in the person than anything else when making/forming a connection, although I'm not qwirky so I tend to play it safe, be that nice fella wherever possible. I'm a little pessimistic because I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop, everyone always wants something. I know that there's a trade off in everything Considering your success with the local language and dating, I am considering doing a language course. But this isn't some sorted scheme of mine. I question my own reasons for wanting to do it, knowing it could be helpful overall in business and in later life as I have no immediate plans to stop visiting Thailand. Thanks for sharing.



My LOS trips aren't a substitute for meeting someone real. Nor is dating a stop gap for my visits to the LOS. It's a balance.
If I meet someone in the middle of it all then great. I'm not so self absorbed or jaded that I won't be able to go for it.
Thanks for your advice. I'll keep plugging away.

[shant234]

I agree that in sort of an unexpected way mongering improves your confidence. You met a hottie, talked her up a bit, took her back, banged her just the way you like and had a great time. Those memories can serve you well in more conventional dating. I never doubt that when I hook up with a girl I'll perform.



I disagree about internet dating being stupid. Sure, the top 1% of women probably aren't sitting around waiting for someone to click on their profile, but then again most of us here aren't targeting the top 1%. I met my GF on Tinder and she's one of the best women I've ever met. But yes, do supplement it with meeting women in 'real life'. You mention meetups. I've had good luck there as well. Doing something you like in the company of both men and women keeps you socially engaged. I met a potential shag there, but more importantly had a lot of fun and keep my social calendar full. Eventually the odds will get you a win.



Did you try BeeTalk in Thailand? It has a proximity feature which works pretty well. I also used Tinder there. Only the duration of your stay limits your opportunity.