Those tricky little orgasms, and boyfriends

[aiden15632]

Hey,

I'm new to the forum, and have a bit of an issue...

I'm 19, and with my first boyfriend. I waited until I met the right person to "do things with", and we're very happy together. I never realized, though, just how much of an issue it could be how I masturbate. A lot of my guy friends are impressed with how open I am about this stuff, but the truth is, I feel like my body is failing me.

I never thought I was BAD at masturbating... though I never read up on it much. A lot of the things that were "supposed to work" never really worked for me -- the shower head, among other things. Some do, but I'm confused about my "orgasms". I'm putting orgasms in quotes, because frankly, sometimes I don't know if I am REALLY truly orgasming, if ever.

I shake and shiver a little, and feel my thighs twitching, but as far as squirting (okay, I haven't had a gspot orgasm yet, maybe that'll help?) nada. Even the shivering comes when I'm just excited, and not necessarily because my body is at its full potential for pleasure. And also, I don't feel like it's some sort of PROFOUND feeling... like, I get to a fairly heightened pleasure, I shiver a little, and then my body stops wanting itself to be touched. Only once have I ever had something more profound, and I didn't do anything particularly different.

My boyfriend hasn't had loads of experience either, but he's open, outgoing in bed, and a quick learner; being with him is very pleasureable emotionally, and physically, and I'm extremely self conscious, so the fact that he gets me to play with him without thinking is amazing. I know he wants me to have profound orgasms, and I think he expects it. I'm beginning to wonder if I'm even orgasming at all, or something's missing.

Any girls wanna give me some advice?

I masturbate a LOT -- like, daily! -- but almost always not to orgasm... I feel like this is working against me, and I'm really very worried.

[amravat123]

Hey there! First off, I just want to say that you're not alone. It’s actually more common than you might think to be unsure about whether you’re really experiencing orgasms. There’s so much emphasis on what "should" happen, but everyone’s body is different. It’s great that you’re being open about it, and that your boyfriend is supportive. The fact that you’re both willing to explore and communicate is huge!

It sounds like you might be experiencing a form of "orgasmic plateau," where your body gets close to that feeling but doesn't quite reach the full experience. This could be from not having found what truly works for you yet, or maybe you need more time to discover how your body responds with a partner. The key thing is to not put too much pressure on yourself. Sexual pleasure doesn’t have to look a certain way. Sometimes it’s about being in tune with what feels good, not about reaching a certain "goal."

Masturbating daily can be great for self-discovery, but it might also be causing some desensitization. Your body might be getting used to a certain type of stimulation, so it’s harder to get there with different experiences, like with your boyfriend. Have you tried exploring new techniques or even incorporating different sensations? Sometimes switching things up can trigger a different response.

If you're concerned about not having a "profound" orgasm, I’d recommend exploring the idea that sexual pleasure is more about connection and feeling comfortable in your own skin. Relax, enjoy the experience, and let go of the need to compare yourself to others or to some idea of what an orgasm "should" be like. You’re doing just fine!

[hanar123]

Hey! I totally get where you’re coming from. The pressure to have a "perfect" orgasm is real, but it’s important to remember that orgasms don’t always look the same, especially for women. Some people experience those intense, earth-shattering climaxes, and others may feel a subtler sense of pleasure. Neither is wrong! It’s all about what feels right for you.

I would suggest trying not to focus on the idea of "squirting" or a "G-spot orgasm." Those are often portrayed in media as the ultimate experiences, but that doesn’t mean they’re necessary for a fulfilling sexual experience. It might help to explore different types of stimulation with your boyfriend—like focusing on your clitoris, trying different positions, or maybe even incorporating toys. Sometimes the key is exploring new sensations rather than trying to achieve a specific outcome.

Also, don’t discount the emotional connection you have with your boyfriend. Being emotionally close can lead to a much deeper connection during sex, which can sometimes make orgasms feel less like a physical thing and more of an overall experience. When you’re relaxed and not stressing about performance, your body can respond more naturally.

Lastly, it’s super common for people to feel like they aren’t orgasming during masturbation either. Sometimes it’s about experimenting with different techniques or even taking the pressure off yourself. If you're enjoying the process without focusing on the end result, that can be just as satisfying.

[deigo123]

Hey, I feel for you. It’s tough when you think something might be wrong with your body, especially when you hear stories from other people about their sexual experiences. But in reality, everyone’s orgasm looks different, and it’s okay if yours feels a little more subtle or doesn’t fit the typical mold. The fact that you’re aware of your body and open to exploring is a great first step!

It sounds like there may be some psychological pressure, too—maybe you're stressing over the idea of needing to have a "perfect" orgasm with your boyfriend. Sometimes that pressure can actually get in the way of fully experiencing pleasure. You might want to try removing that expectation altogether, and instead, focus on enjoying the sensations without worrying about whether or not it’s a true orgasm. If you don’t feel like you’re getting that overwhelming rush of pleasure, that doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong.

One thing I’d recommend is trying to be more present in the moment—focusing on what feels good and where your body wants to go, without thinking about the end goal. It might also help to talk to your boyfriend about your feelings. If you both understand that orgasms aren’t the be-all and end-all of sexual connection, it can help take the pressure off and make the experience much more enjoyable.

And about the masturbation part, it’s definitely something that could be affecting you. When you masturbate in the same way every time, your body can become accustomed to that specific type of stimulation. Maybe it’s time to experiment with new techniques and see how your body reacts to a different kind of touch—whether it’s with your boyfriend or on your own.

[antonio123]

Hey! Welcome to the forum—first off, I want to say it’s really brave of you to be so open about this. A lot of people keep their concerns to themselves, so you're already ahead of the game by addressing it. Orgasm is such a complicated thing, especially for women. It can vary from person to person, and even from experience to experience. What matters is that you’re enjoying the process and not putting too much pressure on yourself.

I think your issue might stem from a combination of expectations and a lack of variety in stimulation. You’ve mentioned masturbating daily, but not necessarily reaching orgasm. It could be that your body is so used to that specific pattern of stimulation that it doesn’t respond to other things the same way. When you're with your boyfriend, there might be a new element of anxiety that’s preventing you from fully relaxing and letting go. It can take time to find what really works for you in a partner setting.

Another thing to consider is the emotional aspect of sex. Physical pleasure is important, but emotional connection can make a huge difference. If you're feeling vulnerable or self-conscious, that might also impact your ability to experience orgasm. The more you trust your partner, the more open you’ll be to exploring your body’s needs. Try to communicate openly about how you're feeling, both during sex and in your relationship.

Finally, don’t stress if it doesn’t feel like you’re having some big "earth-shattering" orgasm. It’s okay to just feel good and enjoy the pleasure in the moment. Sometimes those subtle sensations are just as meaningful and fulfilling as the intense climaxes that we see in movies.

[piciossa]

Hey! First off, kudos to you for being so honest and self-aware about your experiences. So many people struggle with similar issues but don’t talk about it. There’s a lot of pressure on women to have these intense, "ideal" orgasms, but I can tell you that everyone experiences pleasure in different ways. There’s no "right" or "wrong" when it comes to orgasms. It’s more about what feels best for you.

I’ve read a bit about orgasm difficulties, and sometimes it’s all about finding the right type of stimulation. The showerhead, for instance, works for some people but not for others, and it’s the same with different positions or methods of touching. If you haven’t tried different types of foreplay or even exploring with your boyfriend in different ways, that could be a key factor. Sometimes it’s just about finding a rhythm together and letting go of expectations.

Also, it sounds like there might be a bit of performance anxiety involved. When we focus too much on achieving orgasm, it can take away from the overall experience. Try to focus on enjoying each other’s company and sensations, rather than worrying about reaching a specific outcome. Your boyfriend seems like he’s really supportive, so it might help to share your concerns with him—he may be able to adjust things in ways that feel better for you.

Lastly, remember that orgasms aren’t the only thing that matters in sex. Being able to explore your body, feel connected, and enjoy each moment is just as important. Try to enjoy the journey, and trust that you’ll figure it out together.