Porn Addiction?

[hilululu]

I'll try to summarize. I'm a 32 year old male who has watched porn online since I was about 13. I've been married to my wife for 7 years, together 14 years. We have a 2 year old son. After 14 years together, my wife just found out this year that I watch porn for masturbating. I did a shoddy hiding job of my browser history and it was noticed. Anyway, I didn't deny it. I tried to explain its for pleasure, doesn't affect my life, etc. Porn does not affect my job, I'm never late or do poor work, I never miss anything in the lives of my family, I never avoid chores or responsibilities, I never spend money on it, and at most, I spend 15-20 minutes 4-5 times a week with it. I have never in my life turned down my wife for sex or had arousal problems. My wife is low libido and is only interested in sex about 2-3 times a month.

So, when my wife found it, I told her I would try to stop looking at it but I needed her to enhance our sex life. For the next month she did, and I didn't use porn. Then her time of the month rolled around followed by a fight about somethine else. Anyway, I went back to porn. Recently things have been good between us, but the sex is still no more than once a week. This week, for the first time ever, she actually walked in on me in the act.

So, now my wife is threatening divorce or moving out. I agreed to speak with a sex addiction counselor. However, I may be in denial, but I strongly believe I have a normal, not unhealthy habit. I can give up porn if sex is available, but if not, I will resort to porn. I have tried, but for me masturbation without porn is difficult and takes a long time. Even though I don't think its an addiction, I know it hurts my wife and affects our relationship.

So, what do you think? Addiction? What can I do? I don't think I can give up masturbation (because thats really the desire here, not the porn) and I need porn to make it quick and easy so I can get on with my day. Please help!

[amravat123]

Hey man, I can definitely understand where you're coming from. It sounds like you’ve been trying to balance your own sexual needs with your relationship, and that’s not always easy. The first thing I’ll say is that it’s good that you’re willing to talk about it and seek help from a sex addiction counselor. Even if you don’t think it’s a full-blown addiction, the fact that it’s causing problems in your relationship suggests it’s worth addressing.

I think a big part of the issue is that your wife has her own feelings about porn and intimacy. If her libido is low, it can create a difficult dynamic where one partner feels disconnected from the other sexually. For you, the idea of using porn as a supplement to your sexual life might seem harmless, but for her, it could feel like a form of rejection or a signal that she’s not enough. If you can find a way to build more intimacy together outside of just the physical act of sex, it might help.

That being said, you’re also right to acknowledge that masturbation is a natural part of your routine, and it’s understandable that you would want to continue that. The real question is whether it’s affecting the emotional side of your relationship. Maybe part of the counseling can help you find ways to reduce your reliance on porn for masturbation, or at least address the underlying dynamics in your sex life that might be contributing to your need for it.

I think it’s important that you keep up the communication with your wife. It sounds like you’re both in a tough spot, but if you’re both open about what you need, it might help find a middle ground. This doesn’t have to be all or nothing, but finding a balance between your sexual needs and the emotional connection with your wife is key.

[piciossa]

I can see why you’re conflicted here. You’ve mentioned that you don’t think it’s an addiction, and from your description, it sounds like it’s more of a habit or coping mechanism. The problem is that it’s affecting your relationship, and it’s clear that your wife feels hurt by it. While it may not seem like a big deal to you, the fact that she’s threatening divorce means this is something she really cares about, and it’s clearly a source of tension.

I think you’re right to say that the real issue is masturbation, not necessarily porn itself. For many people, masturbation is a way to release sexual tension, and porn just happens to be the easiest way to do it. But I do think there’s a deeper issue here with how it impacts your relationship, particularly if it’s something you turn to when sex isn’t available. The trick is finding a way to make your relationship a priority while still keeping your own sexual needs fulfilled.

I’d recommend that you explore ways to make your sex life with your wife more exciting, beyond just the frequency of sex. Maybe exploring some new intimacy-building activities together or having deeper conversations about your needs could help both of you reconnect. This might not solve everything overnight, but it could lead to better communication and understanding of each other’s desires.

Lastly, keep in mind that this doesn’t mean giving up porn or masturbation altogether—it’s about finding a healthier balance and being open with your partner. If your wife feels like she’s part of the solution and not just the one who’s left out, it might ease the tension. Therapy is a great step, but the key will be changing how you view your relationship with sex and intimacy.

[hanar123]

Hey man, I think the most important thing here is the way this situation is affecting your marriage. It’s clear that porn isn’t the problem in and of itself; it’s the way it’s creating distance between you and your wife. From your perspective, it seems like a harmless habit, but for her, it might represent something more significant—especially if she feels neglected or rejected. If you’re spending more time with porn than connecting with her sexually, it could feel like she’s not fulfilling your needs, even if that’s not your intent.

You’ve mentioned that your wife is low libido, which adds another layer to this issue. If she’s only interested in sex 2-3 times a month, it’s easy to see why you’d turn to porn to fill the gap. But it sounds like what you really need is more intimacy—more connection, not just in bed, but emotionally as well. Maybe the focus should shift from “how often do we have sex” to “how connected do we feel?”

If the issue is mainly about quick masturbation, I’d say there are definitely ways to work on it without cutting it out entirely. Have you tried exploring new forms of sexual connection that don’t rely on porn, but still give you the release you need? Maybe mutual masturbation, different kinds of foreplay, or just finding ways to introduce novelty into your sex life could help. That way, you don’t need porn as a crutch.

Therapy could help both of you understand each other’s needs and find ways to communicate openly. You don’t have to abandon your own sexual habits, but it’s important to find a way to prioritize your relationship. Being honest about how this habit is affecting your connection is the first step in solving the issue.

[deigo123]

It’s tough to navigate this kind of situation when both partners have different needs and expectations around sex. I can see that you don’t view your porn consumption as a big issue, but your wife’s feelings are valid, and it’s causing her a lot of distress. When you’re in a long-term relationship, it’s not just about the physical act of sex, but also about building a strong emotional and sexual connection with your partner. It sounds like this is where things have become a bit unbalanced.

Even if you think porn isn’t a problem, it’s important to recognize that if it’s affecting your wife’s emotional well-being, then it’s worth reevaluating. Have you thought about trying to spice up your sex life in ways that feel fulfilling for both of you? Sometimes, couples can get stuck in a routine, and a little exploration of new dynamics could really help bridge the gap. If your wife isn’t as interested in sex, there might be things you can try to make it more enjoyable for her—without the pressure of constant performance.

Masturbation is normal, but if you feel like it’s the only way you can get off, it might be worth exploring why that’s the case. Is it just convenience? Or is it a deeper issue about how you connect with your wife sexually? Working with a counselor could help you explore these questions and find a healthier balance.

The real key here is finding a solution where both your sexual needs and your emotional needs are being met, without either partner feeling neglected or replaced by porn. It’s definitely possible to find that balance, but it might require both partners to be open, honest, and willing to make changes.

[antonio123]

I totally hear you on this, and I can see why you’re struggling to make sense of the situation. From what you’ve described, it doesn’t sound like you have a full-blown addiction, but I do think there’s a deeper issue with how your use of porn is affecting your relationship. It’s clear that you have a strong desire to maintain your marriage, and that’s a positive sign. It’s also great that you’re willing to talk to a counselor about it, even if you don’t think the porn is the root cause of the problem.

The fact that your wife feels hurt by your use of porn is a big deal, and it’s understandable that she’s threatening divorce. Porn might not seem like a big deal to you, but it’s affecting her emotionally, and that’s why it’s so important to address. The issue isn’t necessarily the porn itself, but how it fits into your relationship dynamics. It might be worth discussing ways to reconnect emotionally and sexually in a way that makes both of you feel valued.

I agree with what others have said—this isn’t about eliminating masturbation or porn entirely, but about finding a balance. You may need to find other ways to achieve sexual satisfaction without relying so heavily on porn. If you both work together, it’s possible to create a new dynamic that works for both of you. Maybe setting aside time for more intimate moments together could help improve both the emotional connection and the physical side of things.

Ultimately, therapy will help you both gain insight into how you’re each feeling and what needs to change. Be patient with yourself and with your wife, and keep focusing on the bigger picture: a healthier, more connected relationship.