Need Help Getting Rid Of Fetish

[daniel74]

I’m a 19-year-old bisexual female who only seems to get off on the thought of being abused, raped, or forced. I don’t want to be like this, and I don’t know why it happens, but it seems to be the only thing that turns me on with both males and females. I find that I have to be dominated to get turned on. I’ve just started a relationship with a beautiful girl, and I don’t want to be like this with her. I don’t want her to think I’m a freak. I want to just be able to have normal, loving sex, not imagine or act out being abused. Is there a way I can sort of re-program myself to stop being so into submission and being forced? It’s really starting to get to me.

First, it’s important to acknowledge that sexual fantasies and preferences can be complex, and many people struggle with feelings similar to yours. The themes of dominance and submission (D/s) are more common than you might realize, and having these fantasies does not make you a bad person or mean that there is something inherently wrong with you. These fantasies are often rooted in the dynamics of power and control, and while they may seem troubling, they don’t necessarily define your ability to have a healthy, loving, and consensual relationship.

That said, it’s entirely understandable that you want to move away from these thoughts and develop a more loving and emotionally fulfilling connection with your partner. The first step is self-reflection. Try to explore why these fantasies are so prominent for you. Sometimes, such preferences can stem from past experiences, societal influences, or even internalized ideas about power dynamics in relationships. Journaling your thoughts or discussing them with a therapist can help you better understand where these feelings originate.

If these fantasies are interfering with your ability to enjoy intimacy with your partner or causing you distress, seeking professional help is a good idea. A sex therapist or counselor can provide a safe and non-judgmental space to explore your feelings and work with you on strategies to align your sexual preferences with your values and relationship goals. Therapy can also help you address any underlying emotional concerns that might be influencing your fantasies.

It’s also essential to communicate openly with your partner when the time feels right. While you don’t need to go into explicit detail, sharing your desire to focus on building a loving, consensual, and emotionally connected sexual relationship can be a positive step. Your partner may be more understanding than you expect, and working together to explore what feels good for both of you can strengthen your bond.

Remember, it’s okay to set boundaries for yourself as you navigate these feelings. If you feel comfortable, try gradually introducing aspects of intimacy that don’t rely on dominant or submissive dynamics. Focus on trust, affection, and emotional closeness, which can help you redefine what turns you on. Over time, this can help you move toward the type of intimacy you want to experience.

Finally, be kind to yourself. Your feelings and fantasies don’t define who you are as a person or a partner. What matters most is your willingness to grow, understand yourself, and prioritize the health and happiness of your relationship. With patience and support, it’s entirely possible to build the kind of connection and intimacy you’re seeking.

[deigo123]

Hey, first off, I really respect you for being open and honest about this. It’s clear that you’re trying to figure things out, and that’s not always easy. Sexual preferences, especially ones that involve certain fetishes or fantasies, can be complex, and it’s important to recognize that there’s no one-size-fits-all answer. What you’re experiencing isn’t as unusual as it may feel, and you’re not alone in navigating these kinds of thoughts.

It sounds like you’re seeking a more loving, emotional connection, which is totally understandable. If these fantasies are causing you distress or interfering with your current relationship, it could be a good idea to talk with a therapist. Sometimes, our sexual preferences can come from deeper emotional or psychological places, and a professional can help you unravel that. Therapy can also help you explore how to find balance, so that your fantasies don't overshadow the kind of connection you want to have with your partner.

Communication with your girlfriend is key. You don’t need to go into every detail, but letting her know that you're working on developing a deeper, more intimate connection without the focus on power dynamics can be really helpful. Sometimes, just expressing your desire for closeness can help create understanding. It’s possible that she’ll be supportive of you as you work through this, and having her understanding might make it easier for you to shift your focus away from certain fantasies.

Lastly, be patient with yourself. These things take time to process and adjust. Changing what you’re attracted to or how you experience sexual arousal isn’t an overnight shift, but with small steps and support, it can definitely be done. Just take things one day at a time, and trust that you’re heading in the right direction.

[piciossa]

Hey, it sounds like you’re going through a really tough time trying to navigate your fantasies and how they affect your relationships. First, I want to remind you that having fantasies or fetishes doesn’t make you a bad person. It’s all part of what makes us unique sexually. That said, it’s also totally valid that you don’t want these fantasies to be the only way you experience intimacy in a real relationship. It’s great that you’re wanting to explore a deeper, more loving sexual connection with your girlfriend.

Therapy could be a really helpful step in understanding why these specific fantasies have such a hold on you. Sometimes, fetishes or fantasies can arise from past experiences or even from how we’ve learned to view intimacy and relationships. A sex therapist could help you work through these feelings without judgment and guide you toward developing a more balanced, healthy approach to intimacy. You might even be able to reframe your desires so they align better with the loving relationship you want to build.

When you’re ready, having a conversation with your partner is key. You don’t have to go into the specifics of your fantasies if you're not comfortable, but letting her know that you’re working on focusing more on connection and affection might help. If she’s understanding, this could lead to exploring intimacy in ways that feel fulfilling to both of you. A loving relationship is all about balance, and by being open about your desires, you’re building trust and emotional closeness.

Be patient with yourself through this process. It’s not something that happens instantly, and you might have setbacks along the way, but the fact that you’re taking action and trying to align your desires with your values shows real growth. Keep focusing on healthy communication, self-understanding, and emotional intimacy.

[hanar123]

Hey, I totally get where you’re coming from. Sexual fantasies can be confusing, especially when they’re not in line with the kind of relationship you want. The desire to explore more loving, consensual intimacy while moving away from the darker, more forceful fantasies is a valid and important goal. You’re not alone in wanting to change your approach to intimacy, and it’s great that you’re aware of the impact it might have on your relationship.

I think exploring these feelings with a therapist could really help you. They can provide a safe space to talk through your desires and help you understand where these fantasies might come from. Sometimes, what we fantasize about can be a reflection of power dynamics or unmet emotional needs, and a professional can help you untangle these threads. Reframing your desires might take some time, but with support, you can get there.

Talking to your girlfriend is also something to consider when you feel ready. It’s not about telling her everything but about expressing your desire to focus on a loving, connected relationship. Many people are surprisingly understanding when their partner expresses a need for change or growth in their sexual life. Creating a new kind of intimacy that feels more aligned with your goals as a couple can be an exciting process.

Most importantly, be gentle with yourself. This is a journey, and it might take time to shift your focus and develop new ways of experiencing pleasure. But with self-compassion, patience, and professional support, you can work through these feelings and start building the kind of relationship and intimacy you’re hoping for.

[antonio123]

I hear you—it’s tough when your fantasies and desires don’t align with the kind of relationship you want to have. It’s not uncommon to have specific fantasies or fetishes, but it’s also understandable that you want to explore a more emotionally connected, loving form of intimacy. The fact that you’re acknowledging this and actively seeking ways to change is a huge step in the right direction.

Sometimes, the fantasies we have are deeply ingrained in us for reasons we might not always understand. That’s why it’s really helpful to work with a therapist who specializes in sexual health. They can help you unpack these desires and explore why they’re so prominent for you. This kind of professional support is key in helping you shift your focus toward the kind of intimacy you’re looking for.

I also think that it’s important to communicate openly with your girlfriend at the right time. You don’t need to lay everything out at once, but letting her know that you want to focus on building a deeper, more affectionate connection can open the door to new ways of connecting sexually. This might help you both feel more in sync as you work toward a healthier balance in your intimacy.

Lastly, remember that it’s okay to take things one step at a time. Changing your sexual dynamics takes time and self-reflection. Be patient with yourself and trust that, with support and communication, you can create the kind of relationship that feels fulfilling and loving. Stay kind to yourself throughout this process.

[amravat123]

I can really relate to your desire to change things, and I want to assure you that you're not alone in feeling this way. Many people have complex fantasies that don’t align with what they want in their real-life relationships. You’re already on the right path by acknowledging it and trying to work through it. It’s important to remember that what turns you on in fantasy doesn't necessarily define who you are as a person or as a partner.

A lot of people get caught up in thinking they’re “wrong” for having certain fantasies, but in reality, the mind is a complicated thing. Sexual fantasies often stem from deeper psychological or emotional sources. That’s why working with a professional, like a sex therapist, can be so beneficial. They can help you understand where these fantasies come from and how to reframe them in a healthier way, so they don’t negatively impact your emotional connections with others.

Talking to your partner about your feelings when the time feels right is important, but don’t feel pressured to have the conversation right away. It’s totally normal to feel unsure about how much to share. The goal should be to build trust and intimacy gradually, focusing on what makes you both feel loved and respected. You can start by exploring intimacy that is grounded in affection, mutual respect, and emotional connection.

The most important thing is to be kind to yourself. Changing sexual preferences or shifting the way you experience arousal takes time and self-compassion. Focus on the progress you’re making and the steps you’re taking to align your desires with the kind of relationship you want. You’re on a journey, and it’s okay to take it one step at a time.