Missing out on orgasms

[ban908463]

I know this is probably a rare occurrence for men, but I’m having real trouble finishing with my girlfriend. It’s been frustrating and confusing because it wasn’t always like this. She used to be able to get me there by jerking me off, but lately, it just hasn’t been working. What makes it even more puzzling is that I don’t seem to have this issue when I masturbate—I can finish just fine on my own.


I’ve been trying to figure out what’s causing this, and I’m starting to think it might be psychological rather than physical. When I’m with her, I feel so much pressure to perform, to make the experience great for both of us, that maybe I’m unintentionally holding myself back. It’s not that I’m not attracted to her—I absolutely am—but there’s something about being in that moment together that makes it harder for me to let go.
At the same time, I wonder if it has something to do with the way I’ve conditioned myself during masturbation. Maybe I’ve gotten used to a certain rhythm, technique, or even level of stimulation that’s hard to replicate when we’re together. It’s not her fault—she’s amazing, and she’s always willing to try new things—but there’s a disconnect somewhere, and I’m not sure how to bridge the gap.


It’s starting to weigh on me emotionally, too. I don’t want her to feel like she’s doing something wrong or that I’m not enjoying myself, because that’s not the case at all. The problem isn’t her—it’s me. But I don’t know how to explain that without making things awkward or creating tension between us. I just want to get back to the place where everything felt effortless and natural, where we could both fully enjoy the experience without overthinking it.

I’ve thought about trying different approaches, like focusing more on foreplay, experimenting with new techniques, or even taking a step back to reset and reconnect with her. Maybe communication is the key—I know I need to be honest with her about what’s going on, but it’s hard to admit that I’m struggling with something so personal. I don’t want her to feel hurt or rejected, and I’m worried about saying the wrong thing.


Has anyone else been through something similar? If you’ve faced this kind of issue, how did you work through it? Were there specific techniques or mindset shifts that helped you overcome it? I’d really appreciate any advice or insights you’re willing to share. I just want to move past this and get back to fully enjoying our intimacy the way I know we’re capable of.

[amravat123]

I can definitely relate to your situation. I’ve had a similar experience where I could finish just fine when I was by myself, but when I was with a partner, it felt like something was off. It can be a huge mental block when you’re trying to enjoy intimacy but feel the pressure to perform. For me, it helped to take a step back and reframe the whole experience. I started focusing less on the goal of finishing and more on enjoying the moment. Sometimes the anxiety about performance just gets in the way.

Another thing I noticed was how much my own habits around masturbation were affecting things. We get used to a specific rhythm or kind of touch, and when it’s different with a partner, it can throw us off. Communication helped here too. I was open with my partner about needing a bit of time to get comfortable and relaxed. It was about making the process more about connection than just getting to the finish line.

You mentioned psychological pressure, and I think that’s key. I started practicing mindfulness techniques, trying to focus on the sensations rather than any expectations. The more I could let go of the idea that I had to perform, the more enjoyable the experience became. Maybe it’s worth exploring relaxation exercises before you’re intimate together—getting into a calmer, less anxious space.

Lastly, don’t be too hard on yourself. These things happen, and it’s completely normal. Be patient with yourself, and also communicate with your partner about what’s going on. They might not understand at first, but being open and honest about your feelings can make a big difference in the long run.

[hanar123]

Man, I’ve been in your shoes. It’s such a frustrating place to be in because you want to enjoy the experience, but your brain is just working against you. I think the key here is to start focusing on your connection with her rather than the end result. Pressure to perform can be paralyzing, and it’s easy to fall into that cycle where the more you try, the harder it gets.

What helped me was slowing things down and taking the focus off of finishing. I’d tell myself it’s okay if I don’t reach that climax; what matters is enjoying each other’s company and the pleasure along the way. Sometimes the more you try to force it, the further it feels from happening. This shift in mindset can take some time, but it made a huge difference for me.

Also, don’t underestimate the power of talking about it. I know it’s not easy to admit, but communicating your feelings can create a lot of intimacy in itself. It might even help relieve some of that pressure if she understands that it’s not about her—it's about your own mental block.

You could also try mixing things up a bit. Sometimes doing something different, like focusing more on foreplay or trying new positions, can reset the dynamic. It might just be a matter of finding a rhythm together that feels more natural, and it’s all about experimenting without stressing about getting things perfect.

[antonio123]

I’ve had a few experiences similar to yours, and I totally get the frustration. The fact that you can finish by yourself but not with her is telling, though. It’s a psychological barrier, for sure. When I went through this, I realized that I’d conditioned myself to a certain kind of stimulation during solo play that wasn’t always replicable with a partner. That disconnect between the two types of stimulation can cause a lot of confusion and stress.

What worked for me was taking the pressure off and approaching intimacy in a more relaxed way. I started setting the intention that sex was about connection and pleasure, not about reaching the finish line. It took some mental rewiring, but over time, it allowed me to be more present and less concerned with the end goal. Letting go of the "I must finish" mindset helped me find enjoyment in the whole process.

You’re right to consider communication with your partner. I had a similar conversation where I admitted that I was feeling pressure, and we took a break from the usual routine to focus on emotional connection. Just letting her know that you’re working through something might help relieve the tension. Most partners want to see you happy, and the reassurance can make a big difference.

Lastly, resetting the rhythm of your encounters can sometimes help. You might need to experiment with new sensations, techniques, or even different settings to break free from the mental block. It’s a process, and it’s okay to take your time.

[piciossa]

I’ve been exactly where you are, and it can feel like a real mind game. The thing is, there’s so much pressure to perform when you’re in a relationship, and it can make it almost impossible to enjoy the experience. I think the key is to realize that intimacy isn’t just about orgasm—it’s about connection, relaxation, and being in the moment together.

When I was going through something similar, I took a step back from the whole “performance” aspect of it and focused more on enjoying the intimacy without worrying about finishing. That shift in perspective was huge. The more I let go of that anxiety, the more relaxed I became, and surprisingly, things started to flow naturally again.

Another thing that helped was changing up the routine. Sometimes, when you’re used to a certain rhythm, it becomes harder to connect in a fresh way. I suggest experimenting with different kinds of touch, different kinds of foreplay, or even introducing a bit of humor to break the tension. You’ll find that trying something new can reset the entire dynamic.

Lastly, don’t hesitate to talk to her. It’s tough to admit when you’re struggling with something so personal, but being honest about your feelings can bring you closer. A lot of times, partners are more understanding than we give them credit for, and opening up about what’s going on might make the experience more fulfilling for both of you.

[deigo123]

I’ve dealt with this kind of issue too, and it’s tough because there’s a real disconnect between what happens during solo play versus with a partner. I think you’re on the right track by considering the psychological side of things. There’s so much pressure to perform, and that pressure can totally block your ability to enjoy the moment.

What helped me was just letting go of expectations. When I stopped focusing so much on the goal of orgasm, I started enjoying the process a lot more. It might sound cliché, but focusing on the pleasure you’re both experiencing—without worrying about whether you’re going to finish—can take a lot of the anxiety out of it. Over time, that pressure will lessen, and the natural enjoyment will follow.

Also, I’d recommend trying to incorporate relaxation or mindfulness techniques before you get intimate. Whether it’s just taking a moment to breathe and center yourself, or even doing something calming together, it can help you reset and approach things in a more relaxed state of mind.

And finally, remember that it’s okay to not always finish. Sometimes, taking the pressure off will actually help you reach that point more naturally. Don’t be afraid to experiment and communicate openly with your partner about what’s going on. They’re more likely to be supportive than you think.