I'm demisexual and have never experienced orgasm, is it related?

[jonny09256]

I'm 31 and have never been able to orgasm—not with a partner or by myself. It’s something I’ve been grappling with for years, and while I’ve tried to make sense of it, I still don’t have all the answers. Part of me wonders if it has something to do with the fact that I’m demisexual. For as long as I can remember, I’ve only felt sexual attraction when there’s a deep emotional connection. Physical intimacy alone isn’t enough to spark desire for me, and that’s always made me feel different.

I’ve only ever been with one partner—we’ve been together since I was 17. Our relationship is strong, filled with love and trust, but I’ve never experienced what so many people describe as the ultimate release of an orgasm. It’s not for lack of trying. My partner has been incredibly supportive, and we’ve explored different approaches to intimacy over the years, but nothing seems to unlock that elusive sensation. It’s left me wondering if there’s something fundamentally wrong with me.

I also struggle to masturbate. I’ve tried, but I don’t get turned on by anything in the usual sense, and the whole process feels awkward and forced. Without that natural spark of arousal, it feels more like going through the motions than something truly pleasurable. It’s not that I don’t want to experience pleasure—it’s that I don’t know how to access it in a way that feels natural and genuine for me. Being demisexual adds another layer to this challenge, as arousal for me is so deeply tied to emotional intimacy rather than visual or physical stimuli.

Sometimes, I wonder if I’m just broken. It’s hard not to feel isolated when it seems like everyone else can experience something that feels completely out of reach for me. But I also know that sexuality is a spectrum, and there’s no single "right" way to experience pleasure or connection. Still, the absence of orgasm leaves me questioning whether there’s something physical or psychological preventing me from unlocking this part of myself. Could it be hormonal? Could it be anxiety? Or is it simply how I’m wired?

I’m curious if anyone else here identifies as demisexual and has had a similar experience. I feel like being demi might play a role, but I also wonder if there’s more to it. Have others faced these same challenges, and if so, how have they worked through them? Hearing from others who share my experience would mean the world—it would remind me that I’m not alone in navigating this complex, often misunderstood aspect of intimacy.

Ultimately, I’m trying to be kind to myself and accept that my journey with sexuality may look different from others. It’s not easy, but I’m learning that there’s no shame in struggling with something so deeply personal. Whether or not I ever experience an orgasm, I know that my capacity for love, connection, and intimacy is what truly matters. Still, I can’t help but hold onto the hope that one day, I might discover what so many describe as one of life’s most profound pleasures.

[amravat123]

Hey there, I just want to say thank you for sharing your story—it takes courage to open up about something so deeply personal. I’m not demisexual, but I do relate to the idea that emotional connection plays a massive role in intimacy. I’ve noticed that when I’m not emotionally invested in a partner, physical intimacy feels hollow and mechanical, almost like it’s just a task to check off.

For you, being demisexual might mean that the emotional connection isn’t just part of the equation—it’s the foundation for experiencing arousal and pleasure. That’s not a bad thing; it’s just different. It sounds like you and your partner have an incredible bond, which is amazing. Maybe focusing on deepening that emotional connection even further could open new doors. Sometimes exploring non-sexual physical intimacy, like cuddling or even just talking while holding hands, can spark new feelings that you didn’t expect.

On the flip side, have you ever thought about working with a sex therapist? A professional might help you navigate whether this is tied to your demisexuality, a psychological block, or something physical. I’ve heard of people uncovering so much about themselves through therapy, including things they never knew were barriers to their pleasure.

At the end of the day, you’re not broken. Your story is unique, and your experience matters. Society has this weird obsession with orgasms as the ultimate goal of intimacy, but intimacy itself is so much more than that. If you never experience orgasm, it doesn’t mean you’re missing out on love or connection—it just means your journey looks different from someone else’s.

[deigo123]

Your post really resonated with me, and I can relate to some parts of your experience. I’m not demisexual, but I’ve had long periods in my life where I struggled with orgasm, and it left me feeling like there was something wrong with me. For me, it turned out to be a combination of stress and hormones. Once I started addressing those, I saw some improvement—but it was definitely a process.

I think you’re asking the right questions by wondering if this could be hormonal or anxiety-related. Have you ever had your hormone levels checked? Things like low testosterone or even thyroid issues can sometimes play a role in sexual response. If you haven’t already, talking to a doctor who specializes in sexual health could be really helpful.

On the psychological side, I also wonder if there’s a layer of pressure you’re feeling, even if it’s unintentional. Sometimes, the more you focus on trying to experience something, the harder it becomes to let go and just be in the moment. It’s like trying to fall asleep when you’re thinking too much about falling asleep—it almost never works.

It’s great that you have such a supportive partner. Maybe taking orgasm off the table entirely for a while could ease some of the mental load. Focus on what feels good without any specific goal. Intimacy isn’t always about hitting a peak—it’s about the connection, and it sounds like you’re already great at building that.

[hanar123]

As someone who’s also demisexual, I completely understand where you’re coming from. Emotional intimacy is the key for me, too. Without it, I feel no physical attraction at all, and even when I have that connection, reaching orgasm has never been easy. For years, I thought there was something wrong with me because I couldn’t relate to the casual hookup culture or even the way most people talked about sex.

One thing I’ve learned is that demisexuality often means approaching intimacy in a way that doesn’t fit the traditional narrative. For example, instead of focusing on the physical sensations, I try to center the emotional ones. When I feel deeply connected to my partner, I notice that the physical pleasure becomes more accessible, even if it doesn’t always lead to orgasm.

I also struggle with masturbation for the same reasons you described. It feels forced and unnatural because, for me, the emotional component is missing. What’s helped me is reframing the idea of “pleasure” entirely. Instead of focusing on reaching an orgasm, I focus on what feels comforting, soothing, or enjoyable in the moment. Sometimes, that’s enough.

Your story reminds me that we need more conversations about how different sexual orientations and experiences shape intimacy. You’re not alone in feeling this way, and there’s nothing broken about you. You’re simply wired differently, and that’s okay.

[piciossa]

First off, thank you for sharing. I know how isolating it can feel when you’re grappling with something so personal. While I’m not demisexual, I’ve dealt with my own challenges around intimacy and orgasm, so I can empathize with what you’re going through.

One thing that helped me was learning to be kinder to myself. I used to put so much pressure on myself to perform or feel a certain way that it completely shut down my ability to enjoy the moment. When I finally let go of that pressure, things started to change. It’s a mindset shift, but it’s worth exploring.

Another practical thing you might try is experimenting with sensory activities outside the bedroom. For example, some people find that things like massage, aromatherapy, or even dancing can help them connect with their bodies in new ways. It’s not about trying to force anything to happen but about exploring what feels good in a broader sense.

Lastly, I’d echo what others have said about seeking professional guidance. A sex therapist or even a pelvic floor therapist could offer insights you might not have considered. There’s no shame in getting help, especially when it comes to something as nuanced as this.

Your ability to love and connect deeply is a gift. Orgasm is just one aspect of intimacy, and while it’s understandable to want that experience, it doesn’t define your worth or the strength of your connection with your partner.

[antonio123]

I can relate to so much of what you wrote. I’ve struggled with feeling “broken” for years because I also find it difficult to orgasm, even with someone I deeply love. I’m not demisexual, but I do think emotional intimacy plays a much larger role for me than it does for most people. Without it, I don’t feel aroused at all.

I think it’s really brave of you to talk about this openly. So many people suffer in silence because there’s this societal pressure to act like sex is always easy and amazing for everyone. But the truth is, a lot of people face challenges like yours—they’re just too afraid to admit it.

Have you and your partner ever tried incorporating mindfulness or guided exercises into your intimacy? Sometimes slowing things way down and focusing on each moment—rather than the outcome—can make a huge difference. It’s about being present with each other and finding joy in the process, even if it doesn’t lead to an orgasm.

Please don’t lose hope. You’re not broken, and you’re not alone. Everyone’s journey with intimacy is different, and what matters most is that you’re being honest with yourself and your partner. That level of vulnerability and self-awareness is something to be proud of.