Need Advice To Bring Wife To Orgasm

[hilululu]

My wife and I have been married for 18 years and are 40 years old. We have children and make life be 3-4 times a week. She is awesome at pleasing me, and I want to please her. Here's the thing, she never orgasms. Ever. Never has. Even before I met her. I have always tried reading everything I could, trying new things, asking her what feels good, fulfilling her fantasies, toys, lubes, and just asking her to touch herself and figure herself out. She doesn't like to or want to touch herself, she has tried toys and does not like them and won't use them unless I bring them out and still she won't use them I use it on her. She doesn't want oral even though I love giving oral, her clit is too sensitive even though I don't touch it I just go around it with my tongue. Penetration gives her some pleasure but not enough to orgam, and I am a normal sized guy so I know I'm not too small. When I enter her all the way the tip touches her cervix, just barely and I'm a normal girth, her outer lips hug me while I'm in and out, so my normal sized penis should be just fine for her normal sized vagina. Still no orgasms at all, and worst of all she will not try in her own. Luckily she lets me do anything sexually with her, so I need advice from you ladies, what I I do? What feels good? Maybe we haven't tried something that we should. Even if it doesn't send her over the top at least I could see her being pleasures by me. I just want to see her enjoy sex like I do for once, and not have it be like she is just performing as a duty.
Like I said, I'm lucky, she will do it all and we have tried lots of things together. She just has never found what works for her. She will do anal and she likes it while we are doing it but she doesn't like to do it too often which is understandable since nice it leaves her sore.

[amravat123]

Hey, I can really feel your frustration here. It sounds like you deeply care about your wife’s pleasure, which is amazing. From what you described, it might not just be about the physical sensations but also something emotional or psychological. Sometimes, societal upbringing or personal experiences can create barriers around sexuality, especially for women.

Have you both talked about this outside the bedroom? I mean, like a calm, open conversation where there’s no pressure to perform or fix anything. It could be that she’s not fully aware of her body’s potential for pleasure, or maybe she has some internalized thoughts that prevent her from letting go.

Another idea is trying to create an environment where she feels completely in control. Maybe you can encourage her to guide you, even if it’s just with verbal cues. Let her know that there’s no rush or expectation. Some women also find it easier to explore their pleasure when there’s no pressure to “achieve” an orgasm—removing that focus can be freeing.

Lastly, I’ve heard that focusing on non-genital touch, like sensual massages, can help women reconnect with their bodies in a pleasurable way. Maybe start there and see if it helps her feel more open to exploring what feels good.

[hanar123]

First off, kudos to you for being so patient and invested in her pleasure. That’s a rare quality, and she’s lucky to have you. What you’re describing sounds like it might be more than just a physical issue. Have you considered seeing a sex therapist together? Sometimes there are underlying psychological factors—like past trauma, body image issues, or even performance anxiety—that can block her ability to orgasm.

A professional can also help her explore what’s happening without it feeling overwhelming or like there’s something “wrong” with her. They can guide her in discovering her preferences in a safe, judgment-free way. Therapy isn’t just for fixing problems; it can also enhance an already good relationship.

Also, have you looked into mindfulness techniques? There’s research that shows women who practice mindfulness or focus on being present during intimacy are more likely to experience pleasure and orgasm. It’s about helping her tune into her sensations rather than focusing on what’s supposed to happen.

Remember, this is a journey, not a race. The fact that she’s open to trying things with you is already a great sign. With the right guidance and patience, I believe you’ll both get there.

[antonio123]

You’re doing an awesome job being attentive to her needs, but I wonder if the focus on orgasm itself might be part of the issue. For some women, especially those who’ve never had an orgasm, the pressure to “get there” can make it even harder. Maybe try shifting the focus entirely to pleasure rather than the destination.

For example, instead of aiming for orgasm, make intimacy about exploring what feels good for her without any expectations. That could mean teasing her, using different textures, or even just making out passionately like you’re teenagers again. Sometimes, taking the focus away from orgasm can help her relax and truly enjoy the moment.

Another thing to consider is the role of arousal. It might take her longer to get to the point where her body is fully receptive to pleasure. Extended foreplay, lots of teasing, or even breaking up intimacy into smaller sessions throughout the day could help build anticipation and excitement.

Lastly, don’t underestimate the power of communication. If she’s hesitant to talk about her needs, maybe ask her to write them down or share them indirectly through something like erotic fiction. It could be a less intimidating way for her to explore what she likes.

[piciossa]

This is such a heartfelt post, and I can tell you’ve really gone above and beyond to make her feel good. One thing that might not have come up yet is whether she’s ever had a thorough medical check-up focused on her sexual health. Hormonal imbalances, such as low testosterone or thyroid issues, can play a huge role in sexual response and ability to orgasm.

Has she ever mentioned if she experiences arousal but can’t reach the peak, or is there a lack of arousal altogether? If it’s the latter, it could be tied to her hormones or even medications she might be taking. Birth control, antidepressants, and certain other drugs can dull sexual sensations significantly.

Also, I’d suggest looking into pelvic floor exercises or therapy. A weak or tight pelvic floor can interfere with sensation and pleasure. Some women benefit from using tools like pelvic floor trainers, which can increase blood flow and sensitivity in that area.

Finally, make sure she knows this isn’t about her needing to “fix” anything. Framing this as a shared journey to enhance intimacy rather than solving a problem could help her feel less pressured and more willing to explore solutions.

[deigo123]

First of all, you’re an incredible partner for caring so deeply about this. A lot of guys would have given up or ignored the issue altogether. From what you’ve shared, it seems like she’s a little disconnected from her own body. That’s not uncommon, especially if she hasn’t explored her own pleasure independently.

Have you tried focusing on her non-sexual erogenous zones? Some women find incredible pleasure in areas like the neck, inner thighs, ears, or even the lower back. Taking a playful approach and experimenting with touch and sensation might awaken something new for her.

I’d also suggest looking into Tantra. It’s not just about sex but creating a deeper physical and spiritual connection. Tantric practices encourage prolonged intimacy and arousal without the pressure of orgasm. Sometimes that buildup can lead to spontaneous orgasms without her even trying.

Lastly, remember that everyone’s sexuality is unique. The fact that she enjoys sex and is open to exploring means there’s potential. Celebrate the connection you have, and don’t let the lack of an orgasm overshadow the intimacy you share.

[Arseminge]

I personally don't care if they have an orgasm or not. Does that make me a bad guy?