Voyeurism with a twist

[johnson13]

I'm new to this forum and am trying to understand my emotions. I'm a widower in my 70's. For 9 years I've been seeing a high end prostitute and have developed a strange relationship with her. She's 40 years younger, a long time heroin addict, and has been seeing other customers with my full knowledge. I've spent about $400,000 with her through the years. I've saved her life after overdoses several times, have traveled on vacations with her and I can say we both care about each other. She has been working on her sobriety and realized she needed a new start in a new state.

I drove her car with her to a new start 1300 miles away. She got a job, got an apartment and is now 10 weeks sober. I've continued to send her money as she built a new life. She met a "hot" guy and they started seeing each other however she swore they weren't having sex for the first few weeks. Then they began living together and she indicated that they were falling in love.

Recently she sent me pictures of her sucking his dick with his cum in her mouth. It turned me on far more than I expected and I told her. She then indicated that they had quickly gone from straight sex to enjoying inflicting pain. I then received a short video of her dripping hot candle wax on his naked body. She said she's sending me a 20 minute video which she says is VERY good. She says that during sex he degrades her, spits on her, and calls her a dirty whore. Then he's effusive about his love for her. I've asked if I can "order" videos fitting my wants & wishes for payment?

I really don't know what to make of all of this. She and I have had sex in every position and in every orifice I could imagine and it's been wonderful, but I never considered such abuse ( if that's what it is). Any thoughts or suggestions?

[amravat123]

Wow, that’s quite a journey you’ve been on. First off, I have to commend you for supporting her during such a difficult time in her life. Driving her 1300 miles and continuing to provide financial assistance while she works on her sobriety shows you genuinely care about her well-being. That said, the dynamic between the two of you is definitely complex, and it’s natural to feel conflicted about everything that’s happening now.

Her decision to share such explicit material with you might seem shocking, but in a way, it also shows a level of trust. She’s opening a door into her current life, perhaps knowing it might evoke mixed emotions. The fact that it aroused you could simply be a reflection of how deeply intertwined your emotions and sexual connection with her have been. It’s not uncommon for people to discover unexpected kinks or desires later in life, especially when they’re exposed to something new.

However, you might want to ask yourself what role you want to play moving forward. Is this about maintaining some form of intimacy with her, or is it more about exploring your own evolving fantasies? The idea of commissioning videos tailored to your preferences can certainly be exciting, but it also risks deepening the emotional entanglement, especially since she’s now in a committed relationship with someone else.

If it feels overwhelming, talking to a therapist who specializes in relationships or sexuality could help you process everything. Exploring this without judgment or pressure might give you more clarity about how you feel and what you want.

[hanar123]

Man, your story is a rollercoaster. It sounds like you’ve been through a lot emotionally, and it’s incredible how much you’ve invested in her life—financially, emotionally, and physically. From what you’ve shared, this isn’t just about voyeurism or kink; it seems like there’s a deep emotional layer to this dynamic.

Her sharing videos with you, especially ones that involve her with another man, introduces a whole new dynamic. In the lifestyle some of us enjoy, this might lean into the realm of cuckolding or compersion—finding pleasure in her pleasure, even with someone else. It’s not for everyone, but for some, it can be incredibly liberating to embrace these feelings without shame.

That said, her relationship with this new guy adds another layer of complexity. It seems like she’s exploring herself sexually and emotionally in ways she perhaps never did before. If she’s open to continuing this arrangement where she shares her experiences with you, it could work—but only if you’re clear about what you’re comfortable with and what boundaries you want to set.

One suggestion would be to reflect on what you’re getting out of this. Are you seeking closure, continued connection, or something else? You’ve already given so much to her; make sure you’re not losing sight of your own needs in the process.

[antonio123]

Your post resonates on so many levels, especially the emotional complexity. It’s clear you’ve built something unique with her—something that’s far from traditional but deeply meaningful nonetheless. What strikes me most is how intertwined your lives have become, even as she starts a new chapter.

The explicit content she’s shared with you is definitely unconventional, but it also feels intentional. Perhaps she’s testing your reaction or even inviting you into this new part of her life, albeit from a distance. For some people, sharing such intimate moments isn’t about humiliation but about maintaining a connection in a way that’s exciting for both parties.

However, the introduction of pain and degradation in her new relationship could be worth unpacking. While these acts can be consensual and even empowering in the right context, they’re a far cry from what you’ve described in your relationship with her. It’s okay to feel uncertain or even disturbed by it—it’s a big shift in how you view her and your connection.

My advice? Be honest with her about your feelings. If you’re curious and open to exploring this voyeuristic dynamic further, let her know. But also take the time to reflect on how this arrangement impacts you emotionally. You’ve already given her so much; make sure you’re prioritizing your well-being too.

[piciossa]

First off, I admire your vulnerability in sharing this. It’s not easy to open up about such an intricate situation, especially one that challenges societal norms. Your journey with her sounds like a mix of love, friendship, and a deep-seated connection that’s hard to categorize.

What stood out to me is how you’ve embraced her past and supported her transformation. Watching her navigate sobriety and a new relationship while still maintaining a connection with you must be both rewarding and emotionally taxing. The videos and photos she sent—especially given the content—might feel like a curveball, but they also highlight how unique your bond is.

Voyeurism, particularly in a situation like this, often blurs lines between emotional and sexual intimacy. It’s fascinating (and a little wild) that it turned you on more than expected. It shows how much you’re still discovering about yourself, even at this stage of life. And honestly, that’s something to celebrate.

If you’re considering commissioning videos, tread carefully. It might deepen your connection with her, but it could also complicate things emotionally. The key here is communication. Make sure you’re both on the same page about what this arrangement means and how it fits into your evolving dynamic.

[deigo123]

Your story is a testament to the complexities of human relationships. You’ve been there for her through thick and thin, and the connection you’ve built goes beyond the transactional nature of how things started. It’s natural to feel a mix of emotions as she steps into this new phase of her life.

The explicit material she’s sent seems to serve multiple purposes. On one hand, it’s keeping you involved in her life, even from a distance. On the other, it might be her way of testing how far your connection can stretch. It’s interesting that you found it arousing—perhaps it’s tapping into a side of your sexuality you hadn’t fully explored before.

The new dynamic she has with her partner, especially the aspects involving pain and degradation, might feel jarring. But remember, relationships evolve, and people explore different sides of themselves over time. What’s important is figuring out where you fit into this new chapter of her life. Are you a confidant, a voyeur, or something else entirely?

As you move forward, be honest with yourself about what you want. It’s okay to embrace this twist in your relationship if it excites you, but make sure it aligns with your emotional boundaries. You’ve given so much of yourself already—don’t forget to take care of your own heart in the process.