Should I Tell him that I can't orgasm?

[hilululu]

I always orgasm, really strongly too, when I masturbate. But I have never orgasmed with a partner before. I'm not sure why either because it feels really good during sex, I just can't ever finish. And it doesn't bother me that I can't finish, I still love spending close time with him. But it bothers and stresses me out that he always asks if I finished, and I am bad at faking; part of me wonders if he knows I'm not finishing. He always asks me if I finished, and says that he doesn't mind to keep going or do what it takes to make me finish- but usually by the time he is finished, I am sore and not near orgasm.

Should I tell him that I can't orgasm? Or should I not bother, since I really don't think there is any way to fix it? I don't want him to feel like he is doing something wrong.

And if you were a guy in his position, would you want to know or not?

[hanar123]

Honestly, I think it's really important to communicate openly in any relationship, especially when it comes to intimacy. If you're feeling like you're not able to orgasm during sex, it might be helpful to talk to your partner. Not because it's his fault, but because it can help reduce the pressure and confusion for both of you. The fact that he keeps asking if you’ve finished shows he cares, and he genuinely wants to help you enjoy your time together. If you keep pretending or not saying anything, it might build up some anxiety and cause more stress in the long run.

I would also suggest sharing how you feel during sex, what feels good, and what doesn’t. Sometimes, the way our bodies respond to a partner can be different from how they respond to ourselves. Maybe your partner can adjust and find ways to help you reach that point. It’s not about him "doing something wrong" – it’s just the dynamics of your chemistry that might need fine-tuning.

On the other hand, if you don't feel comfortable talking about it just yet, it’s totally okay to take your time. Everyone's experiences are different, and there's no rush. But keeping a wall up, especially when he’s clearly invested in your satisfaction, might only make things more awkward later.

As for how I would feel as a guy, I'd definitely want to know. The last thing I would want is for my partner to feel like they're not being heard or that they have to hide their true feelings. It’s about creating a space where both of you can be honest and grow together, not just in sex, but in the relationship as a whole.

[amravat123]

I get where you're coming from, and it's not an easy conversation to have. But, from a guy’s perspective, I would really appreciate knowing if there’s something going on that’s affecting our intimacy. Sometimes, we get caught up in the idea of "performance" or “pleasure,” and it's easy to assume that things are going well if there’s no outward sign of discomfort or dissatisfaction. But in reality, it might just be a case of your body needing different types of stimulation or pace. That’s something a lot of men don’t understand unless it's communicated.

I think it’s worth mentioning to him, especially since he’s already asking and seems concerned. He might feel like he’s not doing enough or that he’s not satisfying you, which can affect his confidence. If you can gently let him know that it's not him but just how your body reacts to intimacy, it will take some of the weight off his shoulders. It might also help him understand that it's not about him doing something wrong, but rather about figuring out what works for both of you.

Also, if you're unsure how to bring it up, maybe start with expressing how much you enjoy being with him and how you value your time together. Then, gently bring up the fact that while you're enjoying things, you’re just not able to reach orgasm and you're not sure why. It takes the pressure off of him to feel like it’s all about him “fixing” something. It could even lead to exploring new ways to make things work better for both of you.

I would also add that if it were me in his shoes, I would want to know. No one likes to feel like they’re missing something, and I would rather have the opportunity to improve things together than guess at what might be going on.

[deigo123]

It sounds like you're in a bit of a tough spot here. On the one hand, you don’t want to hurt his feelings or make him feel inadequate, but on the other, you're dealing with something that is clearly important to you both. Personally, I think it’s better to talk about it than to keep it in. I can understand not wanting to make a big deal out of it, but the truth is, not being able to orgasm during sex doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. Some people just need different things to get there, and some need more time.

What’s important here is making sure that your partner doesn’t think he’s doing something wrong, which could cause unnecessary pressure. From the way you describe him, he seems really supportive and willing to do whatever it takes to help. That’s a good sign! Being honest about what you’re feeling (without putting blame on anyone) is a way to build trust and avoid any unnecessary tension.

If you do decide to talk to him, it could help if you explain that you feel comfortable with him and enjoy the time you share, but that orgasming with a partner has been difficult for you. Maybe even share how you feel when he asks if you’ve finished – it could take away the anxiety of faking it or feeling like you’re disappointing him.

From a guy’s perspective, I’d appreciate knowing, but I’d also be grateful if my partner approached me with kindness and patience. It wouldn’t be about "fixing" anything but about understanding each other better.

[antonio123]

I completely understand the dilemma you're facing. Sex is supposed to be an enjoyable and intimate experience, but when it’s mixed with questions about orgasming, it can make things feel complicated. Honestly, if I were in your shoes, I would tell him. It doesn’t sound like he’s pressuring you in a negative way – he seems genuinely interested in making sure you’re satisfied. And the truth is, not being able to orgasm with a partner doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong; it just means your body responds in a different way with someone else.

Your partner may feel like he's not doing something right, especially since he keeps asking if you've finished. That kind of concern might affect his confidence, and he could be stressing out more than you realize. Sharing this with him would help him understand that it’s not about his performance or that he’s not doing enough – it’s just how your body works.

It’s also good for both of you to be on the same page, so there’s no confusion or pressure on either side. You don’t need to make a huge deal about it, but just letting him know could make your experiences together even more enjoyable in the long run.

If I were in his position, I would definitely want to know. There’s no benefit in keeping it a secret, especially when a little honest conversation could make everything more comfortable for both of you.

[piciossa]

This is definitely something that requires a bit of thought, and I can understand why you're torn about bringing it up. There’s no shame in not having an orgasm during sex; it happens to a lot of people, men and women alike. The fact that you’re wondering if you should tell him shows that you care about how he feels, but you also need to prioritize your own feelings too. If you're comfortable with him, honesty might actually bring you closer, as it opens up the possibility for better communication during intimacy.

I would advise talking to him, but maybe start by talking about the great things you experience when you’re together – the connection, the fun, the closeness. Then, ease into the subject by explaining that although the sex is pleasurable, you just haven't been able to finish, and it’s not because he’s doing something wrong. The reality is that sometimes our bodies don’t react the same way to a partner as they do when we’re by ourselves. And that’s okay.

It might also help if you let him know that you’re not stressed about it and that it’s not about his performance, but more about understanding your own body. By approaching the conversation with that frame, you take the pressure off both of you, which can help make the whole situation feel less heavy.

If I were in his position, I’d definitely want to know, just so that I wouldn’t keep guessing if something’s wrong or if I was causing the issue. It would be reassuring to know that we could work through it together, even if there isn’t an immediate solution.