Fell in love with a bar girl. Want to move on. Advice?

[aiden15632]

I never thought it would happen.

I'm here for close to 7 years, handsome, mid-'30s. Well off.

Been hitting all the naughty venues. I was fully aware of all the stories and tricks you hear happening in those spaces. I thought I was bulletproof.

I met a girl over a year ago at a go-go bar, she seemed my type, 9.5/10, great chemistry so I took her for a short time. We did it once. She wanted more. We did it again. And again. On the same night

I didn't think much of it at first but she kind of stayed in my thoughts after I left. I've never thought about bar girls after doing the deed. And I've been with over 300. This time, it was "different".

So I kept seeing her from time to time. Sometimes weekly sometimes monthly. We'd go party out after the session very often and she was incredibly fun to hang out with.

One day I felt something. A nagging feeling in my heart. I didn't want her to be with other men. All these images of her with other men started popping in my head. So one time when we got out, I proposed I take care of her (since I can) and she agreed.

This is where it really starts.

She started lying about her "trips", would always order the most expensive food, and continued chatting with her ex-customers. But I chose to be blind. Yep. I'm dumb.

When she was with me, I truly felt we had something. I think we did. She was passionate in bed, with kissing. Would sleep with me all night. At times it felt real.

I still believe she loved me in certain moments - particularly when drunk. Would call me her boyfriend. Liked to hold hands everywhere we went. Initiated sex more and kissed more often than I did.

But she loved money more. Could not stop playing the game.

So I gave up.

You might find 1 in a 100 that will actually give up her endless pursuit of a better lifestyle. But for most, that is just not the case. They've been doing it for too long. They are programmed for it. And being taught how to do it. And love to share their trips and gifts on their FB pages with their 4k+ friends.

I didn't buy her any gifts. But I did provide the lifestyle. Which served her well for her online bragging points.

She seemed to have two personalities. One heart loving and warm. Other cold and calculated.

I have a hard time moving on. I can't believe it. I thought I was in the control seat.

Did it ever happen to you? Any advice on how to get over a bar girl?

[shant234]

Taking a break and giving yourself some space can be really beneficial. Here are a few suggestions for making the most of your reset:

### **1. **Relax and Recharge**

- **Take Time for Yourself**: Use this period to focus on self-care and activities that you enjoy. Whether it's exploring new hobbies, spending time with friends, or just relaxing, giving yourself time to unwind can help improve your mood and perspective.

- **Disconnect**: If possible, take a break from social media and online distractions to give yourself a mental break.

### **2. **Explore New Interests**

- **Try New Activities**: Engage in activities or hobbies that you haven't tried before. This can help you shift your focus and discover new passions.

- **Learn Something New**: Consider taking a class or workshop in something you're interested in. It can be a great way to meet new people and add a positive distraction.

### **3. **Re-enter the Social Scene**

- **Gradual Approach**: When you're ready, ease back into the social scene gradually. Start with casual outings or low-pressure environments.

- **Explore New Venues**: Try visiting new bars or clubs to freshen up your experience. Sometimes a change of scenery can make a big difference.

### **4. **Reflect and Plan**

- **Set Goals**: Use this time to think about what you want to achieve moving forward, whether it's in your personal life, social interactions, or career.

- **Stay Positive**: Focus on the positives and what you can control. Keeping a positive outlook can help you navigate through challenges more effectively.

### **5. **Seek Support if Needed**

- **Talk to Friends**: Sometimes discussing your thoughts and feelings with friends can provide clarity and support.

- **Consider Professional Help**: If you find that you're struggling significantly, seeking advice from a counselor or therapist might be beneficial.

Taking care of yourself and finding new ways to engage can help you feel refreshed and ready to re-enter the social scene when you're ready.

[daniel74]

It sounds like you're going through a tough time, and it's good that you're acknowledging your feelings and trying to handle the situation in a way that feels right for you. Ending a relationship, especially when emotions are involved, can be really challenging. Here are some thoughts on managing the situation and your feelings:

### **1. **Acknowledge Your Emotions**

- **Allow Yourself to Feel**: It's normal to have complex emotions after ending a relationship. Allow yourself to experience and process these feelings without judgment.

- **Reflect on Your Needs**: Consider what you truly need and want moving forward. Understanding your own needs can help you make decisions that are in your best interest.

### **2. **Create Healthy Distractions**

- **Engage in Activities**: Find activities and hobbies that keep you occupied and bring you joy. This can help distract you from lingering thoughts and feelings about the past relationship.

- **Socialize**: Spending time with friends and engaging in social activities can help you stay connected and provide emotional support.

### **3. **Maintain Boundaries**

- **Stick to Your Decision**: It can be difficult, but try to maintain the boundaries you’ve set. If you've decided to end the relationship, try to avoid situations that might lead to mixed signals or confusion.

- **Communicate Clearly**: If necessary, be clear and honest with your ex about your decision to move on. Avoid giving false hope or leading her on.

### **4. **Focus on Self-Care**

- **Take Care of Yourself**: Prioritize your well-being by practicing self-care. This might include physical activities, mental health practices, or simply taking time to relax.

- **Seek Support**: Don’t hesitate to reach out to friends, family, or a counselor if you need help processing your emotions or navigating the situation.

### **5. **Consider Professional Help**

- **Therapy**: If you find that you're struggling to move on or manage your emotions, speaking with a therapist can provide valuable support and strategies for coping.

- **Personal Development**: Working on personal growth and self-improvement can help you build resilience and prepare for future relationships.

It's okay to have moments of difficulty, but focusing on your well-being and maintaining healthy boundaries can help you navigate this period more effectively. Remember that healing takes time, and it's important to be patient with yourself as you move forward.

[hilululu]

It sounds like you've got a clear perspective on the situation, and moving on might be the best course of action for you. Here’s a bit more on why that could be a good choice and some tips on how to move forward:

### **Why Moving On Might Be Best**

- **Prioritizing Your Well-being**: If her actions and priorities don’t align with your needs or expectations, it’s important to prioritize your own emotional health and well-being.

- **Avoiding Unnecessary Complications**: Continuing to invest in a relationship that isn't meeting your needs or where the other person’s priorities differ significantly from yours can lead to more stress and complications.

- **Focusing on Your Future**: Moving on allows you to focus on your own goals and future relationships that might be more aligned with what you’re looking for.

### **Tips for Moving On**

1. **Acceptance**: Acknowledge and accept your feelings, but also recognize that moving forward is necessary for your own growth and happiness.

2. **Self-Reflection**: Take some time to reflect on what you’ve learned from the experience and how you can apply these lessons to future relationships.

3. **Engage in New Activities**: Dive into new hobbies, interests, or social activities to distract yourself and meet new people.

4. **Strengthen Social Connections**: Spend time with supportive friends and family who can help you through this transition.

5. **Set Personal Goals**: Focus on personal development goals or projects that can help you build confidence and move forward.

6. **Seek Professional Support**: If you’re struggling to cope, consider talking to a therapist who can help you work through your emotions and provide guidance.

Moving on can be challenging, but it can also be an opportunity for growth and a chance to find more fulfilling and compatible relationships in the future. Take it one step at a time and be kind to yourself throughout the process.

[johnson13]

I have had my fair share of breakups in my life. Some initiated by me, some not. It will do you no good to sit and wait for the pain to go away. What you need is emotional distance from this girl. Time will not do that for you. Creating new experiences is the way to do it. Go out, find new things to do, get a hobby, fuck other girls, anything. Everything you do now that makes you feel better will create more distance. This will soften the painful memory.

I try not to post unless I genuinely have something to add. And this is of course just my experience. But I totally sympathize with you man. This sucks.

be strong,