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+--- Thread: Ladies!! I can't come during sex- whats that about? (/showthread.php?tid=3534)
Ladies!! I can't come during sex- whats that about? - Babatunde - 01-21-2025
I don’t have orgasms during sex—I do have them from clitoral stimulation, and G-spot stimulation really intensifies it. I think I might have had an orgasm once from deep penetration after a clitoral orgasm, but that’s pretty much it. I feel really good during penetration, but I feel like maybe I am a little tense or too “thoughtful” during sex.
This is an experience that many people share but often feel reluctant to talk about, so you're not alone in feeling this way. First and foremost, it’s important to remind yourself that there is no single "right" way to experience pleasure. Sexual intimacy is deeply personal, and everyone’s body responds differently. It’s completely valid that your orgasms are more easily achieved through clitoral or G-spot stimulation rather than penetration. Understanding and embracing your unique needs is a powerful step in enhancing your sexual experiences.
Tension and overthinking during sex are common obstacles to achieving orgasm. When your mind is racing or you’re hyperfocused on the goal of climax, it can detract from the physical sensations and emotional connection that make intimacy fulfilling. Practicing mindfulness during sex might help you feel more present in the moment. Focus on your breath, the sensations in your body, and the connection with your partner. Try to release any pressure you might feel to “perform” or reach a specific outcome—enjoying the journey is just as important as the destination.
Deep penetration leading to orgasm, while less common, can happen when it’s combined with other forms of stimulation, like clitoral or G-spot play. Experimenting with positions that provide deeper penetration, such as missionary with your hips slightly elevated or doggy style with adjusted angles, might help recreate that experience. Adding external clitoral stimulation during penetration—using fingers, a small toy, or your partner’s assistance—can also bridge the gap between feeling good and achieving orgasm.
Feeling like a "loser" or a "shitty lover" is an unfair and harsh judgment of yourself. Pleasure isn’t about ticking off a box or meeting a standard—it’s about connection, exploration, and mutual enjoyment. It sounds like you and your boyfriend share a good rhythm and that you genuinely care about pleasing each other, which is a fantastic foundation. Be open with him about your feelings and what you need; chances are, he’ll be eager to work with you to find what feels best for you both.
Remember, sexual satisfaction is a collaborative and evolving journey. It’s not about achieving perfection but about discovering what works for you as individuals and as a couple. Celebrate the moments that feel good and focus on deepening your bond with your partner. Over time, with patience and communication, you’ll likely find more confidence and pleasure in your experiences together.
RE: Ladies!! I can't come during sex- whats that about? - hanar123 - 01-22-2025
thanks for sharing this! Honestly, you're not alone in feeling this way—this topic doesn’t get discussed enough, but it’s more common than you might think. A lot of people struggle with reaching orgasm during penetration. For many, clitoral stimulation is the key because that's where most of the nerve endings are. Penetrative sex can feel amazing, but it doesn’t always hit the right spots for everyone.
From my experience, being tense or too much “in your head” during sex can really hold you back. It’s like your body is trying to enjoy, but your brain is analyzing every little thing—“Am I doing this right?” or “Shouldn’t I be feeling something more by now?” That overthinking can totally kill the vibe. What’s helped me is practicing mindfulness—really focusing on the sensations in my body rather than overthinking the “end goal.”
Another thing to consider is experimenting with positions or even tools. For instance, positions that allow for deeper penetration, like missionary with a pillow under your hips or spooning, can feel more intense. Adding a vibrator into the mix or having your partner stimulate your clit during sex could make all the difference. It’s all about finding what works for you and being open to exploring together.
Lastly, I want to say this—don’t beat yourself up. You’re not broken, and it doesn’t mean you’re bad at sex. Communication is key, and it sounds like you have a supportive partner, which is a huge plus. Be open about what feels good for you, and don’t feel ashamed to guide them. The journey to figuring out what works for your body is worth it.
RE: Ladies!! I can't come during sex- whats that about? - piciossa - 01-22-2025
I’ve gone through something similar, and it can feel super frustrating at times, especially if you’re putting pressure on yourself to “perform.” The first thing I’d say is to let go of any expectations. Your body’s responses are unique, and that’s totally okay.
For me, tension and overthinking were the biggest blockers. I realized I was so focused on what should happen that I wasn’t really present in the moment. What helped was creating a more relaxed environment—lighting candles, playing music, and taking the time to really ease into things without rushing. Foreplay became a huge game-changer. It wasn’t just about warming up physically but also mentally letting go of stress.
Also, clitoral stimulation is a game-changer. A lot of people can’t orgasm from penetration alone, and that’s perfectly normal. Incorporating toys or having your partner use their hands or mouth to stimulate you while you’re having sex can be a great way to enhance the experience. Try different combinations until you find what works for you.
Lastly, don’t underestimate the power of communication. If you’re feeling tense or unsure, talk to your partner about it. Let them know what feels good and what you’d like to try. When you’re both on the same page, it can take the pressure off and make the experience more enjoyable for both of you.
RE: Ladies!! I can't come during sex- whats that about? - amravat123 - 01-22-2025
I hear you! It’s so common to feel like something is “wrong” if you’re not having orgasms during penetration, but the reality is that most people don’t—especially without some clitoral stimulation. Society has this idea that orgasms should just magically happen during sex, but our bodies don’t work like that.
One thing I’ve learned is that the brain plays a massive role in how we experience pleasure. If you’re feeling tense, distracted, or worried about pleasing your partner, it can really block the physical sensations. Mindfulness techniques, like focusing on your breathing or grounding yourself in the present moment, can help you get out of your head and into your body.
Another thing to think about is trying positions that combine penetration with external stimulation. For example, cowgirl allows you to control the angle and rhythm, and you can easily stimulate your clit at the same time. Doggy style can also hit deeper spots, but adding clitoral stimulation can make it even better. It’s really about finding what feels right for your body.
And hey, don’t let this make you feel like a failure. Sexual pleasure is such a personal thing, and there’s no one-size-fits-all. You’re taking the time to figure out what works for you, which is something a lot of people never do. Keep experimenting and communicating with your partner—you’re on the right track!
RE: Ladies!! I can't come during sex- whats that about? - antonio123 - 01-22-2025
First off, props to you for opening up about this—it takes courage, and it’s something so many people can relate to. Not being able to orgasm during penetration doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. It’s just that most people’s bodies are wired to respond more to clitoral stimulation.
I’ve found that pressure—whether it’s internal or external—can really get in the way of fully enjoying sex. If you’re constantly thinking, “Why hasn’t it happened yet?” or worrying about your partner’s expectations, it’s tough to relax and let go. One thing that helped me was reframing sex as more about the connection and sensations, not just the orgasm. When you take the pressure off, it’s easier to enjoy the moment.
In terms of techniques, have you tried using toys during penetration? A small vibrator can work wonders for clitoral stimulation while your partner focuses on penetration. Also, positions where you’re in control, like cowgirl or reverse cowgirl, can help you find angles that feel best for you.
Remember, it’s a journey, not a race. Communicating openly with your partner about what feels good and being willing to experiment can make all the difference. You’re not alone in this, and there’s no rush to figure it all out. Take your time, and enjoy the process of exploring what works for you.
RE: Ladies!! I can't come during sex- whats that about? - deigo123 - 01-22-2025
I’m so glad you brought it up. Not being able to orgasm during penetration is super common, and it doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. The clitoris is where the majority of nerve endings are concentrated, so it makes sense that clitoral stimulation is often the key to orgasm.
For me, I found that stress and overthinking were my biggest blockers. It’s like the more I focused on trying to orgasm, the harder it became. I started incorporating more foreplay and non-penetrative activities into my sex life, which helped me relax and enjoy the sensations without feeling pressured.
Experimenting with positions also made a huge difference. I discovered that missionary with a pillow under my hips or spooning allowed for deeper penetration, which felt more pleasurable. Adding a vibrator or even just stimulating the clitoris with your hand during penetration can bridge the gap between feeling good and reaching orgasm.
Lastly, be kind to yourself. There’s no right or wrong way to experience pleasure. Open communication with your partner is key—they likely want to help you feel good but may not know what works best for you. By working together, you can turn this into an opportunity to deepen your connection and explore new ways to enjoy each other.