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+--- Thread: Need Some Advices Please... (/showthread.php?tid=3504)
Need Some Advices Please... - jonny09256 - 12-27-2024
Hi there,
First of all, I want to apology for my english, I'm not an english native speaker, I hope you guys will understand though, thanks.
So here is my situation : I'm a man, 25 y/o, and I have been dating this girl for about 6 months. Everything is great, I like her (she is also 25) and she likes me too. We used to talk a lot, have fun, go out, do things together, but it changed a few weeks ago and I don't know why and I don't know what to do.
My gf and I had a normal sexual relationship. We used to do it 4-5 times a week (we don't live together), and I was ok with that. We also tried to experiment new things to spice up things (anal, toys, BDSM....).
A few weeks ago, things started to change : we were out having fun in a club, and she asked me to follow her in the bathroom. Story short, she wanted to do it in a stall. She wasn't drunk at all, and I felt a bit weird about that so I refused. We argued a bit and to settle things up, she gave me a BJ instead of sex.
Then after that night, every time we met for any reasons, any where, she either wanted to do it, or wanted to give me head, or give me a HJ : at the beach, in public toilets, at home (of course), at a bar, night club, park....
I don't have any problem having sex with her, and never had any major problems with my exs. I don't consider myself excellent at it... I guess I'm average at it ? Not great, not super bad either. Anyway, to sum up : we started to have sex A LOT, when I say a lot I mean 4-5 times a day, sometimes more and it was everydays !
Funny things, she always wants to do things to me. I asked her if instead of her giving me head in the restroom I could do it to her.... she just smiled at me and pulled my pants down.
I know it sounds funny and all... I'm sure many guys will say : "dude, you're crazy, she is the perfect gf !" but many things started to change because of that :
- we fight more than before. Sometimes I just refuse because the location is not good, and she gets mad at me (ex: we are in a club, we are dancing, there's many people around us, and she starts putting her hand down my pants and rubs my d***. I'm sorry but I can't do that...)
- Sometimes, after a few session, I just can't do it anymore, but she insists. And she says that she'll do anything to make me hard again fast. I just tell her that I need a break, like 10-15 mins, that I wanna smoke or drink something, and she gets naughty ideas like sucking me while I smoke and drink so we won't waste time O.O'''
- another big problem : I recently have pain coming from my d***. I know it sounds hilarious... but it's true and it freaking hurts ! Three nights ago, we was sleeping over my place, we had sex at night (3 or 4 time) then we went to sleep. In the morning She woke me up and I was tied up to the bed... I thought it was funny and kinky so we did it. Then when I asked her to untie me, she smiled and we ended up having sex for another hour until I started screaming at her....
Here is a description of the last time she was here : she came in the evening, we had sex on the couch. We ate dinner together at my place, she started watching TV, I was doing the dishes. She came over me and gave me head while I was washing dishes... I took a shower after, she joined me and we had sex again... We started watching a movie together at night and we had sex on the couch again... We went to bed, and we had sex 2 more times. When we sleep together she likes to grab my penis... Ok why not ? It might be cute... But she also likes to play with my penis too... And I'm sorry but after a day like this, when I'm laying on my bed ready to sleep and when she starts tickling my penis and balls... I just can't !
Anyway... I tried to talk to her of course, told her my point of view and tries to be nice about it because I don't wanna hurt her feelings. She is a nice and kind girl and I do like her a lot.
She just told me that she likes me too and that she can't help it if she gets hot and frisky around me all the time.
I try to be as much open minded as I can, so we tried different new things : when I can't anymore we tried to use toys or I just go down on her. We are very honest towards each other so she told me it was good but she wanted me and not stupid toys (I can understand that actually....)
So here it is... I'm always tired, at school, at work, and on top of that... my penis hurts 24/7 now...
When I get home after a long day, she sometimes surprises me by welcoming me naked or in sexy lingerie, I know it's very sweet and I can't get mad at her for doing that, but my body can't keep going like this....
What should I do ? Is there something wrong with me ?
RE: Need Some Advices Please... - amravat123 - 12-27-2024
Wow, man, that’s quite a situation you’ve got there. It sounds like your girlfriend has an extremely high sex drive, and while that might seem like a dream to some people, it’s clearly creating some challenges for you. First off, there’s nothing wrong with you for feeling the way you do. Everyone has their own limits, both physically and emotionally, and it sounds like yours are being pushed to the max right now. It’s okay to acknowledge that this is overwhelming.
One thing that stands out is the mismatch in expectations. It seems like she’s expressing her affection and attraction through sex, but it’s happening at a pace and intensity that you’re struggling to keep up with. This can lead to frustration on both sides—you feel drained and maybe even pressured, while she feels rejected when you say no. The key here is open and honest communication, which you’ve already started, but it might need to go deeper. Let her know that while you’re flattered and attracted to her, your body has limits and you need to pace things for the sake of your health and well-being.
You could also try setting boundaries and creating some balance in your relationship. For example, you might want to establish times when sex isn’t on the table—like during meals, when you’re out in public, or when you’re trying to relax after a long day. It’s not about shutting her down but creating a healthier dynamic where you can enjoy intimacy without feeling overwhelmed.
Lastly, it might help to have a conversation about other ways to connect. Sex is a big part of a relationship, but it’s not the only way to show affection. Maybe you could encourage her to explore other forms of intimacy, like cuddling, deep conversations, or shared activities that don’t revolve around sex. It’s about finding a balance that works for both of you.
RE: Need Some Advices Please... - antonio123 - 12-27-2024
Man, first of all, respect for being so open and honest about this. A lot of guys would probably hesitate to bring this up, but it’s clear you’re trying to find a solution that works for both of you. From what you’ve said, it sounds like you’re dealing with a girlfriend who has an incredibly high sex drive and maybe some difficulty understanding your limits. That doesn’t mean she’s a bad person—it just means you two need to work on finding some common ground.
It’s worth considering that her constant push for sex might be less about physical desire and more about emotional connection. Some people use sex as a way to feel close or validated, and it might be worth exploring whether there’s something deeper going on for her. Is she feeling insecure about the relationship? Does she have a fear of losing you? These are questions that could help guide your conversations.
At the same time, you’ve got to listen to your own body and set some boundaries. Pain and exhaustion are your body’s way of telling you that it’s too much. There’s nothing wrong with asking for a slower pace or for her to respect your need for recovery. Maybe suggest scheduling some “rest days” where you focus on non-sexual activities together.
Finally, don’t forget to take care of yourself. If you’re dealing with pain, consider seeing a doctor to make sure there’s no underlying issue. And if this situation is causing you mental stress, talking to a counselor could give you some tools to navigate this better. Relationships are all about balance, and it sounds like you’re doing your best to find that.
RE: Need Some Advices Please... - deigo123 - 12-27-2024
Hey man, I get it—this sounds like a tough situation to navigate. On the one hand, you’ve got a girlfriend who’s clearly crazy about you, but on the other hand, it’s putting a serious strain on your physical and emotional health. First off, let me say that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with needing a break. You’re not being ungrateful or weak; you’re just human.
It’s great that you’ve tried talking to her about this, but from what you’ve described, she doesn’t seem to fully understand the impact it’s having on you. You might need to be a little more direct. For example, let her know that while you love her enthusiasm and attraction to you, your body physically can’t keep up with this pace, and continuing like this could cause long-term harm. Sometimes people don’t realize how serious something is until it’s spelled out for them.
You might also want to set some ground rules for when and where intimacy happens. Spontaneity can be fun, but if it’s happening at inappropriate times or places (like the club or while you’re doing dishes), it can become overwhelming. Let her know that you still want to be intimate, but you need some structure to make it enjoyable for both of you.
Lastly, don’t underestimate the power of compromise. Maybe she’s looking for more connection or reassurance, and sex is her way of expressing that. Finding other ways to bond—like quality time, thoughtful gestures, or shared hobbies—could help her feel secure while giving you the space you need to recharge. Relationships are about give and take, and it sounds like you’re both trying to figure out how to make that work.
RE: Need Some Advices Please... - piciossa - 12-27-2024
Dude, this is a wild ride, but it’s clear that you’re feeling pretty burned out, and that’s totally valid. What you’re describing is a pretty extreme mismatch in libido, and while it’s great that she’s into you, it’s not sustainable for your body or your mind. You’re not a machine, and it’s okay to need a break.
From what you’ve written, it sounds like your girlfriend associates her self-worth or the strength of your relationship with constant sexual activity. That’s not uncommon, but it’s something you’ll need to address together. Have you tried framing the conversation in a way that focuses on improving your connection rather than “cutting back” on sex? For example, you could say something like, “I love how close we are, but I want to make sure I’m always at my best for you, and I need some time to recharge so I can give you 100%.”
It also sounds like she might not fully understand the toll this is taking on you. You mentioned physical pain, which is a big red flag. If you haven’t already, you might want to explain to her that overdoing it isn’t just tiring—it’s actually causing you discomfort and could lead to more serious issues if it continues. Being honest about how it’s affecting your health might help her see things from your perspective.
In the meantime, consider incorporating more non-sexual intimacy into your relationship. Show her that you’re still deeply attracted to her and care about her without always resorting to physical acts. That might help her feel reassured while giving you some much-needed breathing room.
RE: Need Some Advices Please... - hanar123 - 12-27-2024
I can see why you’re looking for advice. It sounds like you’re in a relationship with someone who has a much higher sex drive than you, and while that’s not inherently a bad thing, it’s clearly causing some strain. You’re not alone in feeling overwhelmed—this kind of dynamic can be challenging for anyone.
One thing that stood out to me is how you’re trying to accommodate her needs while also dealing with your own exhaustion and even physical pain. That’s not sustainable, and it’s okay to say, “I need a break.” Relationships should be about mutual respect, and that includes respecting each other’s limits. If she truly cares about you (and it sounds like she does), she’ll want to work with you to find a balance that doesn’t leave you feeling drained.
Have you considered talking to her about why she feels the need for so much sex? Is it just a high libido, or is there something else driving her behavior? Sometimes people use sex to feel close, deal with insecurities, or even cope with stress. Understanding where she’s coming from might help you address the issue in a way that feels supportive rather than critical.
At the end of the day, your health—both physical and mental—has to come first. If this continues to be an issue, it might be worth seeking advice from a relationship counselor or therapist. They can help you navigate this in a way that strengthens your relationship rather than creating more tension. Remember, it’s not about “fixing” her or yourself—it’s about finding a dynamic that works for both of you.