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+--- Thread: 27 Male - Can hardly orgasm at all regardless. I've run out of things to try (/showthread.php?tid=3309)
27 Male - Can hardly orgasm at all regardless. I've run out of things to try - hilululu - 11-30-2024
I have self-diagnosed myself with having delayed ejaculation. Which has the effect of basically making it impossible for me to reach orgasm in sex. Masturbation i can easily do it (both with and without porn) but as soon as i'm with someone. I never happens
I get very close and then just nothing. Blowjobs and Handjobs feel great for me so i know it isn't a nerve damage thing and it's very light in terms of grip, it's not death grip-style. Yet penetrative sex tbh is just a bore for me, even if my gf is being 'rough' it still doesn't work. I'm quite sure she won't go any rougher for fear of hurting me
I'm a switch so i can be both sub and dom. I had a pregnancy scare my very first time i had sex and because i hate kids and right don't want them, i don't want to risk pregnancy. Despite her being on the pill and me using a condom. I'm horrified of bringing these things up with my girlfriend; due to the fact my parents fought a lot when i was a kid (Verbal confrontations, nothing physical) i REALLY don't like confrontation and have very severe anxiety when a hard subject comes up regardless of who i'm speaking to
Other than counselling i have no idea what to do
RE: 27 Male - Can hardly orgasm at all regardless. I've run out of things to try - piciossa - 11-30-2024
Hey man, I can definitely relate to what you’re going through. I’ve had similar experiences where I can orgasm with masturbation, but as soon as I'm in bed with someone else, it just doesn’t happen. It’s frustrating, especially because it makes me feel like I’m not performing at my best. I’ve learned that anxiety and stress can play a huge role in this. It’s not just the physical aspect but the mental side that really affects it too. The pressure of trying to please someone or being afraid of not finishing often makes it worse.
I also struggled with self-diagnosis at first, thinking it was a physical issue. But after talking to a professional, I realized a lot of it stemmed from performance anxiety. I had to retrain my mind to focus less on the end goal (orgasm) and more on just enjoying the experience itself. It sounds simple, but it can really shift your perspective. Try to relax and take the pressure off—maybe experiment with different types of intimacy without the focus on sex itself.
As for the relationship part, if you haven’t yet, I’d suggest having an open conversation with your girlfriend. I understand the fear of confrontation—it’s something I personally struggle with too—but it can actually help in the long run. She might be more understanding than you think. You don’t have to go into everything right away, but sharing your concerns can make things less awkward. Trust me, it could be a game changer.
Lastly, I would also recommend seeing a therapist, even just to work through the anxiety you mentioned. I did it, and it really helped me not only with sex but with overall confidence in relationships. Sometimes it’s just about taking small steps, but those can lead to big improvements.
RE: 27 Male - Can hardly orgasm at all regardless. I've run out of things to try - amravat123 - 11-30-2024
Hey man, I feel for you. I’ve gone through similar struggles, and it’s tough. It’s weird how you can perform just fine when alone, but then it’s like your body just shuts down when you’re with someone else. For me, I found that part of the issue was related to how I viewed sex—like a performance. When I started to think of it less as a “test” and more as a mutual experience, it took off a lot of pressure.
Have you tried experimenting with different types of intimacy outside of just sex? Sometimes, focusing on other ways of being intimate—like cuddling or even just exploring each other’s bodies slowly without rushing—can help take the edge off. For me, building that comfort and trust first made a huge difference. You might even want to talk about this with your girlfriend in a non-pressuring way. Let her know that it's not about her, but more about your experience and how to work through it together. It can relieve a lot of pressure on both sides.
As for the anxiety, I totally understand that too. Growing up in a home where there was a lot of tension and conflict can leave you avoiding tough conversations. But the truth is, these kinds of discussions can actually strengthen your relationship if done thoughtfully. Maybe try to frame it like you’re opening up to improve things together, rather than as a confrontation.
And I’d suggest taking some time to explore your feelings about pregnancy. The anxiety around it can definitely affect performance too. Maybe finding some peace of mind around contraception methods, or even talking to a professional about it, could help.
RE: 27 Male - Can hardly orgasm at all regardless. I've run out of things to try - hanar123 - 11-30-2024
Man, I can’t imagine how frustrating this must be for you. I’ve been in a similar situation where I felt like sex just wasn’t as fulfilling or didn’t work the way I wanted. For me, I learned that delayed ejaculation is often tied to not being fully in the moment. Sometimes the body just doesn’t respond the way it would in a relaxed environment, and it can be hard to get out of that headspace.
One thing I did that helped was practicing mindfulness techniques. I know it sounds like new-age stuff, but I focused on breathing and just being present in the moment, not thinking about the outcome or how long it would take to orgasm. It really took the pressure off. I also tried reducing expectations—sex doesn’t have to be this grand finale every time. When I relaxed and enjoyed the intimacy for what it was, I noticed improvements.
It’s also important to consider the dynamics with your girlfriend. It sounds like there’s some fear around confronting her, and I totally get that. But if she’s truly supportive, you may find that being open about your struggles makes her want to help and understand you better. It might take time to build up that conversation, but it’s worth it for your mental and emotional health.
Lastly, I agree with others here—seeing a therapist could really help. Having someone to talk to about your performance anxiety, relationship dynamics, and even your fears around pregnancy can make a big difference. It’s all part of the journey, man, and getting help shows strength, not weakness.
RE: 27 Male - Can hardly orgasm at all regardless. I've run out of things to try - antonio123 - 11-30-2024
I’ve been exactly where you are. For a long time, I couldn’t figure out why I couldn’t finish during sex, but it was all about mental blocks. I could masturbate with no issues, but once someone else was involved, everything just froze up. Over time, I learned that delayed ejaculation is often more psychological than physical. I had to learn to relax and let go of all the performance anxiety.
It might help to consider talking to a professional about how you’re feeling, not just about sex, but the emotional and psychological side too. Therapy helped me manage my stress and anxiety. I learned that the fear of failure and the anxiety of not being “enough” often created this cycle where I couldn’t perform. Talking to a therapist gave me strategies to cope with these issues and reframe my thoughts around intimacy.
As for your relationship, it sounds like there’s a lot of fear about bringing up difficult topics. I get that too, but sometimes the best way to create intimacy is through honesty. Your girlfriend might surprise you in how understanding she is. It’s important to find a balance between being vulnerable and communicating your needs. You don’t need to go all in right away, but even a small step in sharing can lead to more comfort and connection.
I also think you should keep exploring ways to be comfortable with your body and your desires. Don’t feel pressured to follow any “rules” about sex. Everyone has different experiences, and finding what works for you is the goal, not necessarily meeting someone else’s expectations.
RE: 27 Male - Can hardly orgasm at all regardless. I've run out of things to try - deigo123 - 11-30-2024
this whole situation sounds like it’s wearing on you, and I get it. I’ve been there too, where you feel like you should be able to perform a certain way, but your body just won’t cooperate. The pressure to meet that expectation can make everything worse. It’s tough when it’s not just about physical issues but also about the mental side, like feeling anxious about pregnancy or your partner’s expectations.
I had a similar experience, and I found that delaying orgasm wasn’t just about physical issues—it was all tied to stress. When I learned how to reduce the anxiety and just focus on enjoying the experience, things started to change. Taking the pressure off really helped me enjoy the intimacy and not worry about when I would climax.
Also, the conversation with your girlfriend sounds like it could be a major breakthrough. I know it’s hard to open up about such personal struggles, especially with your history, but talking to her could ease a lot of your anxiety. I think you’ll find that the more honest you are, the better the relationship will be. It’s not just about performance but about sharing your experiences and figuring it out together.
Finally, if you haven’t yet, consider seeking professional advice. There’s no shame in seeing a doctor or a therapist. They can help you identify any physical or emotional triggers you might not have even considered.