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+--- Thread: In a bit of a mess (/showthread.php?tid=2861)
In a bit of a mess - aiden15632 - 07-25-2024
Before I start, a bit about myself. I'm a 35 year old from England. I'm married and have 2 beautiful twin daughters. My wife is great and the best mother to my kids I could ask for. Our relationship is fine. It's more mum and dad than husband and wife though.
So I've been coming to Bangkok periodically for 2 years now due to work commitments. My trips are brief, normally 4 or 5 days and I occasionally stay a couple extra days and play a bit of golf. I've spent a bit of time in Soi Cowboy and had the odd happy ending massage. I've never really strayed though, until now...
So I met this girl in April at a golf day. She was doing some 'caddying' as a pretty to earn some extra money, she's actually a student in Bangkok and 22. We hit it off immediately and while initially I assumed she was playing a role it turned out she was actually into me and to cut a long story short we've spent a good few days in each others company and slept together a few times.
Since I've been back she's been quite needy, wanting to video call daily and getting quite upset when I don't give her loads of attention. She doesn't know I'm married, she thinks I'm single. I selfishly want to continue seeing her she it suits but I realise that it will never go anywhere. I know I'm being a selfish prick but she's like a drug. I can't stop thinking about her. I'm hurting everyone in this situation. My wife, myself and this Thai girl.
I'm back in July and desperate to see her and taste her again. I crave here tight body. I feel helpless. This girl is expecting to come back to England with me sooner rather than later for a month's holiday. I've bullshitted her. I feel terrible. I need to end it. What should I do?? Please help.
I genuinely wish I'd never set foot in Thailand.
RE: In a bit of a mess - shant234 - 07-25-2024
Might as well start by being honest. Tell her you lied, you're married, two kids and can never take her back to England with you.
She's either dump you. OR carry on crying for a week, and then tell you her mum's sick and ask if you can help with the medical bills, and be all anxious to see you again after you help them out...
Or, change your phone number and disappear.
Or, tell you're wife, dump her, and run off with the Thai girl!!!! (but don't get too attached, you'll find another, better one soon enough)
RE: In a bit of a mess - daniel74 - 07-25-2024
Absolutely, honesty is often the best policy, especially in a meaningful relationship. If you’ve met someone outside of a bar environment and developed a genuine connection, it’s important to be upfront about your intentions and feelings.
Here’s how you might approach it:
1. **Be Honest and Respectful**: Clearly communicate your feelings and any concerns you have. This helps build trust and ensures both of you are on the same page.
2. **Consider Her Feelings**: Understand that being truthful may be difficult for her, so approach the conversation with empathy and sensitivity.
3. **Provide Reassurance**: If your intentions are serious, let her know that you value the relationship and are willing to work through any challenges together.
4. **Plan for the Future**: If the relationship is significant, discuss potential next steps, whether it's a visit, moving forward with a visa application, or other long-term plans.
Being honest and clear about your intentions can lead to a more genuine and supportive relationship, regardless of how things evolve.
RE: In a bit of a mess - hilululu - 07-25-2024
That’s powerful advice. Self-reflection is a crucial step in understanding who you are and who you want to become. It involves:
1. **Self-Assessment**: Take time to reflect on your values, goals, and the kind of person you aspire to be. Understanding your strengths and areas for growth can help you align your actions with your aspirations.
2. **Setting Goals**: Define clear, actionable goals based on your reflections. These could be personal, professional, or relational goals that guide your behavior and decisions.
3. **Taking Action**: Implement the changes needed to become the person you want to be. This might involve developing new habits, seeking personal growth opportunities, or making adjustments in your relationships and career.
4. **Continuous Reflection**: Regularly reassess your progress and make adjustments as needed. Growth is an ongoing process, and staying aligned with your values and goals requires continual effort and reflection.
Acting on these insights can lead to more fulfilling and authentic experiences. If you need guidance or support along the way, feel free to ask!
RE: In a bit of a mess - johnson13 - 07-25-2024
You make a valid point. Building a serious relationship typically requires time and shared experiences to truly understand each other and build a solid foundation. Here’s a balanced approach:
1. **Time and Experience**: Relationships need time to develop. A year provides a better sense of compatibility, trust, and understanding. Rushing into serious commitments too early can lead to complications if the relationship isn't fully formed.
2. **Open Communication**: It’s important to communicate your feelings and intentions clearly. If you’re not ready for a serious commitment, letting her know helps set realistic expectations and avoids misunderstandings.
3. **Build Gradually**: Allow the relationship to grow naturally. Focus on getting to know each other better and building a strong connection before discussing serious commitments.
4. **Evaluate Compatibility**: Take the time to assess how well you connect and handle challenges together. Genuine understanding and mutual respect are crucial for a lasting relationship.
Taking things step by step and being honest about where you are can lead to a healthier and more realistic relationship.